Little Chrince - Adulthood On a Whim

Do you come here often?

2012-01-27T12:58:00.000-08:00

I went out with a couple of lady friends last night to see a local band play. I was sitting at the bar and a man... let's just say he was unattractive in the most general and complete sense... hit on me. I informed him that I was married, to which he asked if I had a kid. (Because married is okay but being a mother is a deal breaker?) I told him yes and he replied - and this is golden - "Well, you've still got it because I find you attractive. I hope I made you feel good about yourself tonight."

Ya. Thanks. Being someone's mom makes me feel like a total hag but THANK GOD you came along and made me feel better about myself. He actually made me feel terrible. I thought, really? That's all the ass I can pull these days? Good thing I married the hottest guy I ever dated because, obviously, I was never going to do any better.

A little glimpse of success in this parenting thing

2012-01-17T20:23:00.000-08:00

Matt and I take turns waking up in the morning with Lennon. Today was my day to take morning duty. When he started crying at 5:30am (poor kid pooped his pants) my first reaction was "Noooo!" And then I realized there was poop involved and my reaction changed to "Fuuuuuuck!" We ate some breakfast and then I turned on the TV and naturally, because I'm a good mom, I picked Wayne's World for us to watch.

Then this happened:

Lennon asked for me to pick him up (asking = hands making grabby motions) and he sat down in my lap on the couch. After a few minutes, he scooted off my lap and laid down on the couch. I laid down next to him, put my arms around his adorable little body, and we cuddled and watched TV. It was the first time he's ever done that. It was one of the best moments of my life.

Resolutions

2012-01-04T08:13:00.000-08:00

I'm working on a few new resolutions in conjunction with the new year and new job. I feel like I really need to work on my communication skills. In business, I'm terrible about answering emails in a timely manner and I am turrrrible (say that in a Cleveland voice) about answering voicemails. I freaking hate voicemails. I need emails so I have written documents for sessions and weddings. Working things out over the phone leaves way too much room for someone to forget something. (Someone = me.) And when someone emails me and then immediately leaves me a voicemail to say that they've emailed me... Well, you're going straight into the trash folder. Those people are high maintenance and usually cause problems so I ignore them.

See? Major communication issues.

And in my personal life I'm even worse. My friends aren't going to give me a bad review on WeddingWire if I don't answer their emails right away so I usually flag them for "later" and then forget about it for 3 weeks. And then it seems too late to answer without looking like a jerk, so I just let it sit there and make me feel guilty. I'm bad about texting too. My parents, sister and husband are the only people who are guaranteed to get return texts. I'm just a flake and I'm bad at relationships. Always have been. I'm a lifelong loner and retaining friendships over long periods of time isn't an easy thing for me. I don't fall out of like with my friends. We don't fight. Nothing goes wrong. The only explanation is that part of me simply doesn't care. It doesn't really bother me to be isolated from people so I let my friends sort of drift away without making any attempt to keep them. It's a pretty shitty personal trait.

Other resolutions:

Stop shopping - Even though I'm buying a new couch today.
Take a vacation - The goal is Iceland but the reality is Minneapolis.
Work out bigger business goals for 2013 - I'm starting to think about finding my own studio.

Finally. 2012.

2012-01-01T08:23:00.000-08:00

Hey ole blog! So, here's what's been going on:

My plan to quit my job in March 2012 got bumped up when I had a complete meltdown in October and decided to leave work at Thanksgiving. Best. Decision. Ever. Between the wedding album orders rolling in, all my fall weddings, and families getting photos done for the holidays, I was working at least 60 hours a week. It took until Christmas to catch up on everything.

And then Christmas happened. Or rather Day of Epic Disappointment happened. The plan was to host Christmas with my family for the first time ever so I went a little crazy. I bought holiday plates, table cloths, decorations for the house, $200 worth of food... And then I spent Christmas day hunched over the toilet. My family couldn't come over because my grandparents are in their 90s and can't afford being sick. I crawled out of the bathroom to watch Lennon open his presents and then I went back to bed and slept until December 26th. Wouldn't you know it, the next day I was totally fine.

I'm more than ready for the holidays to be over. It really feels like my new life is starting in 2012. There's no office to go back to, no shitty career that I don't like. When I go to a wedding, it feels like I'm going to work. I go and I work my ass off and I bring home a paycheck. It's good stuff.

$600

2011-09-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

I spent $600 today on an advertisement for my business. Six hundred freakin dollars. I would love to have spent that money on a bunch of stuff from Fossil that I'm freaking out over... but instead I spent it on a featured ad on a wedding website.

Sigh.

This is what it's like to run a business.

I can add up my contracts for next year and say, ok, I'm going to make $50,000 next year. (That's just a number I made up.) But "me" making $50,000 and "my business" making $50,000 are totally different things. There is a surprising amount of overhead to running any business. For me, I pay a monthly lease, a monthly vendor listing on a wedding site, shipping costs, album and printing costs, office supplies, camera/new lighting equipment, second shooter payments... It's insane. Of all the money I've made off this business this year, I've spent $14,000 on getting it up and running to the point where I will be able to make money off of it in 2012.

It's just so strange to have woken up this morning and spent $600 like it was nothing. With any luck, the advertisement will make my money back in bookings, but it's still such a lot of money.

Not the good kind of high

2011-08-11T11:36:00.001-07:00

Turns out I have high cholesterol. How awesome is that? It's gone up 27 points in the last four years. I'm not an expert on these matters, but I don't think that's a good thing. Right now I'm in the "elevated" range of 200-240. If it keeps rising at the current rate, I'll be in the 240+ "high-risk" range by the time I'm 31. I think the biggest factor affecting my cholesterol level is genetics. My mom's family has some crazy cholesterol happening over there. If genetics are negatively effecting my cholesterol, there's really not a whole lot I can do about it.

The other factor in cholesterol levels is, of course, weight, diet and exercise. Now. I'm not much of an exerciser these days, so the obvious solution to that is - more exercise. But diet? Do you know the foods that are contributors to high cholesterol? Meats, cheeses, butter, baked goods, packaged snacks like crackers and chips, shrimp, full fat dairy… So, basically all the good ones. I'm going to try to cut out beef and pork and a lot of the cheese I eat. At home we're going to do a mostly vegetarian diet with fish and chicken added in occasionally. We've been cooking a lot of curry and bean based dishes lately, so I don't think it will be that big of a deal. I'm going to miss bacon though. Bacon is so fucking good. Turkey bacon and veggie bacon are a joke. I don't know who came up with that stuff and thought, "Oh ya, people will never miss the real thing."

Bacon and my mother are probably equally responsible for my cholesterol.

Feeling Sucky

2011-08-04T10:18:00.001-07:00

I returned a batch of wedding photos to a client and I'm afraid that she doesn't like them. She responded to my email with a question and nothing to the effect of "I like these." I'm insecure here, folks. If you don't tell me you like your photos, I assume you hate them and that you're going to bash me on an internet forum somewhere. I constantly live in fear of ruining peoples' weddings and getting destroyed by online ratings. Fuck, the life of a wedding photographer is so glamourous.

Matt also left today for Texas. I'm bummed out because he's going down there to play at a surprise birthday party for friends of the family. I used to work with both of them and have known them for probably seven years so I'm a little disappointed that he gets to go and I'm staying home. Stupid responsibilities.

On top of that, I have actual work to do at my 8-5 job and I've been in a total rage all week over it. I'm learning this new IT platform and it totally blows. I hate the internet. Wait, correction. I hate building things on the internet. I hate design work. I hate HTML. I hate sitting at a desk.

Oh, and I keep thinking it's Friday. Which it's not.

I think this is just one of those weeks where life sucks and hopefully beer and sleeping in this weekend will fix it.

Catch Up!

2011-07-28T12:12:00.000-07:00

Lennon was on Offbeat Mama last week.

I have missed a lot of that boy lately. Between May and June I had nine weddings and they kicked my ass into the ground. I got everything edited and ready to return and no one hated their photos. Everyone actually liked them. I couldn't believe it. So, now I have a bit of a lull in work until August weddings start approaching the late mark. That means I get to be a real person again and spend time with my family and blog for non-self-promotional reasons. I have 24 weddings booked next year, which unfortunately is not enough to meet our income needs. I'm confident I can book 10 more to cover all the bills... but it would be so much easier if I just raised my prices $1000 a wedding. Every bride in Omaha is finding me though some "Budget Brides" member board over at The Knot. I would like to personally thank whoever started that thread because she's keeping me in business. As of April 2012 I will no longer be working my 8-5 job. I'm quitting on my five year anniversary. How fitting! My 401K will be fully vested, wedding season will start the following weekend, and I don't see the need to stay one day longer than is necessary.

I started shooting with another photographer and she's beyond awesome. She's only doing one wedding a month with me right now, but next year she's going to shoot almost all weddings with me. I'm so relieved. She makes the wedding day go so much smoother. And I have someone to complain to. The only snag at our first wedding was she left early because the wedding ran over on time, and then they started the first dance while I was in the bathroom. Seriously. It was the first time I took a break to pee in over six hours and I miss the first three minutes of their dance. (These are the types of complaints I have. Majorly interesting stuff.)

We've done some work around the house. We made-over our bedroom, got new windows, and swapped out some furniture in the living-room with things that Lennon can't gash his sweet noggin on. We also bought a new bed for the guest room since my studio equipment is being moved out and we're actually having a guest come stay with us. So, that's up next. When all the rooms are done I want to do a house tour and submit it to Offbeat Home. I would send it to Apartment Therapy but I think my house is a little too low-brow for that site. People on there say mean things when they don't like your coffee table. Going back to the windows - those damn things cost us over $7000 to replace. 16 windows cost $6700, then we had to pay another $500 because the current windows tested positive for lead. While I'm happy to not be living in a drafty, lead infested house, I'm not happy to have just dropped a staggering amount of money on something so not fun. Being an adult blows sometimes.

I'm continuing to make poor clothing choices. Including but not limited to: platforms so tall I can't walk or drive in them (but my legs look gorgeous), red high-waisted shorts, ultra-high waisted 70s jeans, wide leg pants that some lady thought were pajamas, a John Lennon tunic tee that says "WAR IS OVER," and a shiny lime green pencil skirt. I was on the look out for a jumpsuit but couldn't find one I liked. Which is probably for the better. I've given up trying to have a definable style and now I just dress like a kook. My favorite fashion related spots are ModCloth and Bleubird Vintage

Bedroom Makeover, Like it Might Finally Happen This Time

2011-05-25T13:54:00.001-07:00

I'm on a self-imposed home decor buying hiatus until the Missoni for Target line comes out. Or until the pictures come out and I decide I hate everything and don't want any of it. Which isn't likely to happen. It's multi-colored chevrons, people. How would I not like that?

In the meantime though, our bedroom sucks. I had HUGE, HUGE I TELL YOU plans a couple years ago to make the bedroom awesome. But I didn't. I bought curtains and a runner and gave up. The basement is the only successful start-to-finish room makeover I've done. The livingroom? Didn't happen. Nursery? Nope. Office? I don't think so. So, now I'm going back to the bedroom but I don't want to spend a whole lot. (Damn you, Missoni!!!) Using mostly accessories I bought for the office and then dumped into storage when Lennon came along, I came up with this:

The walls right now are powder blue and chocolate brown. Yes, it's as fugly as it sounds. I think I want to paint the room white (that's a first) and paint the closet doors a super glossy black. The curtains and chandelier I already have. I just have to buy the rug if it will fit in the bedroom. And please, tell me you can look at that rug and not immediately start singing Outkast.

Sunday With the Fam

2011-05-23T19:24:00.000-07:00

Here's the family hanging out on Sunday. Lennon can't crawl yet so he can't get away when I'm smothering him.

My brain is home

2011-04-26T07:32:00.000-07:00

I am so friggin glad that Matt is home. My brain went into survival mode while he was gone. This morning I found a stack of photo payments in my purse that I never cashed and a pile of bills that were due 2 weeks ago. If a task wasn't related to work or Lennon, it got pushed to the dark, cobweb covered, back corner of my brain. And now that everything is slowly coming back to me, I'm realizing what I spaz I was while he was gone.

And in some super awesome photography news, I'm meeting with a lady on Thursday who is opening a photographer's co-op in September. She's going to show me the space and her build-out plans. If everything looks good, I could potentially be signing a lease on a real studio space! I would sign a lease based on the amount of time I want every month, like 10 sessions or 20 sessions. It works out great because I really only pay for what I need and I'm not the one responsible for the expense and upkeep of a large studio. It's incredibly affordable and the lady I've been talking with is really nice. Assuming the space looks good, I'm 90% sure I'm going to sign. WHOO HOO! Just another step closer to doing this full-time.

Avoiding the Mom suit

2011-04-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

I've been debating what to do about a swimsuit this year. We go to a pool maybe twice a year so I'm not in dire need of one. But the awesome Nike bikini I bought a couple of years ago might be facing retirement. I lost all my pregnancy weight and I don't have any stretch marks or other gross-to-talk belly issues. But my stomach does look a little... sad. Like my belly button is making a frowny face. And for whatever reason I now have a pinchable bit of ribcage fat that wasn't there before. I feel comfortable clothed and even clothed in tight shirts. But this isn't something I'm ready to bare to the general public. I need bootcamp and a cocktail before that will happen.

I really wanted this because I think it's kind of crazy and retro so people will just think I'm a weirdo and not that I'm hiding something. But I'm not sure I'm ready to admit defeat against my body and the two-piece. Plus, buying a one piece online worries me. If I could try this on before buying it, I would probably end up getting it.

However, I decided to go with a tanikini. But not just any tankini, a Victoria's Secret Miraculous tankini. I've decided that the only logical thing to do while I cling to the remaining years of my 20s is to show as much boob as possible to deter people from looking at the rest of my body.

It will be arriving today and I hope it does not does not disappoint.

UPDATE...

Oh god. It was bad. Its already wrapped back up and waiting to be taken to the post office.

What's for Dinner?

2011-04-20T07:52:00.001-07:00

We've reached the point in our child's life where we have to start feeding him real food. I can't even explain how terrifying this prospect is. I finally have a firm, white-knuckled grasp on parenting and now I have to add another step into the process.

Bottles: Got it.
Medicine: No problem.
Bath time: Easy.
Bed time: Under control.

But food? What the eff... It's complicated. You'd think it would be the simplest thing ever. Heat food and put it in your kid's mouth. I'm stressing about it a lot more than that, though. Food shouldn't take the place of bottles, so he has to have a bottle first before eating. But what if he isn't hungry then? Or what if he eats too much and then barfs it all over? What if he wants something to drink afterwards? Do I give him another bottle or can I give him water?

Will my pediatrician think I'm a psycho if I ask her these questions? Should I just forward her to my blog and beg PLEASE GUIDE ME!!!

Obviously, there are certain foods best suited for feeding a baby without any tolerance for food, or teeth. But we still have to be conscious of his MSPI and reflux so foods with a high acidity, or foods containing or resembling soy (lima beans and things like that) and dairy are out of the question. I've checked a bunch of sites and I have a small list of safe foods: carrots, sweet potatoes, squash, green beans and mangos. Yumm. It's kind of funny that my baby is a vegan.

I am kind of excited for him to start growing and packing on some weight with these new foods. He's kind of small. The ped's office usually measures his height really fast because he's squirming, so it's not totally accurate. They measure him about 2 inches taller than he really is. According to them, he's around the 25th percentile for height, but I measured him while he was sleeping and he's actually off the chart at less than 5%. He's just a wee little man.

The Crazies Down the Street

2011-04-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

A couple months ago, a Planned Parent opened up in our neighborhood. We all know that PP are a bunch of Satan-loving-baby-killers, so as soon as the new location was announced, the holy started protesting. First, they argued that a strip mall was an unsafe and dangerous place for a medical business. Ironically, there's a plastic surgery center down the street in a strip mall. I don't have any first-hand experience with abortion procedures, but I'm guessing they're a lot less dangerous than a boob job.

When that didn't fly, they argued that the close proximity to a daycare was inappropriate. They said, "What do I tell my child when he asks me what an abortion clinic is?" From the street, you can see one tasteful sign that simply says, "Planned Parenthood." They decided to forego the giant "GET YOUR ABORTION HERE" sign with the flashing red arrow pointing to the front door. Unless you tell your kid it's an abortion clinic, it looks like any other place of business from the outside. Which, it is.

And when the attempts to block the clinic from opening failed, they resorted to picketing. And when the picketers wore out, the only thing left to do was hold 24/7 prayer vigils from the sidewalk outside. And that is where they still are to this day. At any hour, on any day, you drive by and there is at least one person standing on the sidewalk, facing the building, praying. Sometimes it's just one old guy (and he's started to bring a chair along with him.) I understand why these people are praying, but I don't understand why they're doing it from the sidewalk. Most of the time, the clinic is closed and there is no one near the place, except for the folks praying. So, they're obviously not praying for the people working or patronizing the clinic - Because they're not there! The only people who see them are people who live in the neighborhood. Are they preying for the building to burn down? Praying for congress to repeal PP's funding? (Oh wait…) If so, why can't they do that from home or from church? Does distance from the thing you're praying for effect the strength of the prayer? Probably not.

I have no issue with the act of prayer and people who pray. But I have issue with the crazies who stand out in the rain at midnight on a Saturday and pray at an empty building. It's just crazy. I have a feeling these are the same people who walk around our neighborhood and slip Christian literature under peoples' doormats. Matt answered once when they came to the door and the guys asked where we worshiped at. We said we didn't have a church and he told us that we were going to spend an eternity in hell together unless we found God. I would have kindly told him to get the fuck off my property if he wasn't soliciting Jesus with his five year old grandson by his side. This is why I have a problem with the PP prayers. They're out there because they think that people who walk in those doors are sinners and terrible people who are committing terrible acts against God and need to be saved. When really, they're just people who need affordable medical access and from time to time, need access to an unfortunate, yet entirely legal, surgical procedure. They're exercising they're rights to assemble, protest, and be judgmental.

Baby got sick. I love taking pictures. Matt's job is exciting.

2011-03-31T10:32:00.001-07:00

Our household suffered our first go-round with a sick baby. It was only mildly terrible. He was a total grouch for a couple of days before we started doping him up with Tylenol. His cold turned into a cough at which point we went to the doctor. Lennon ended up with bronchitis/croup so the doctor rewarded him with a nebulizer. Just so everyone knows in case it comes up in the future, babies freak the fuck out when you put a nebulizer mask on them. He got used to it after the third treatment, but my god it was the meltdown of the century. He's still sick but it's tolerable now and he's happy again. Parenting = accomplished.

I am slowly getting back into photography season. (Is it a season if it lasts 8 months? Isn't that just life?) It is so much fun. Seriously, I can't believe how enjoyable it all is. Last year, I think my pregnancy affected me mentally more than I realized. I always felt worn down and my photos weren't consistently good. I've had a few recent engagement sessions and a wedding and all of them have been incredible experiences with great results. I also found a workshop with a photographer who I absolutely love. Like, I would forsake my wedding vows for this women she's so incredible. She's offering one-on-one workshops where we would shoot together with a model and talk business topics like marketing, workflow, post-processing, what I want my style to be, my passion for what I do, being an upbeat businessperson, etc. It sounds perfect.

Matt also has something really exciting going on. Him and another performer in his show were recruited by a huge national Beatles act to audition for parts. The show tours and does Broadway. He's reluctant to say he's excited about it, but I think he is. He graduated from a performing arts high school in Florida with the likes of Mickey Mouse Club members, television actors, American Idol finalists, Broadway performers, and purse goddess, Rebecca Minkoff. I think a part of him wants to do something really big like this so he can be one of "those kids" who succeeded and got to do what they wanted with their lives. He's already doing really well, but this is a jump from community theater to motherfuckinBroadway. How could he not be excited? It would be pretty sweet if it worked out and he got to audition. But even if he doesn't, he just signed a contract to perform for a week on a cruise. He's getting paid to go to Key West and the Grand Cayman Islands. That ought to cheer him up.

That's about it for an update.

People Be Crazy

2011-02-18T10:19:00.001-08:00

I read this crazy Sarah Palin quote (but really, aren't they all?) on CNN this morning:

"No wonder Michelle Obama is telling people to breast feed their babies, because the price of milk is rising so high."

Uhh. What? Correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't feed a baby milk from a cow as an alternative to breast milk. Sure, some formulas are made partially from cow's milk, but straight up cows milk would be hella cheaper to feed your kid than $15 cans of formula. But I don't think that's what she was talking about. I think she's just a dumb lady who says dumb things and she was trying to make an ohsnap on Mrs. Obama and the current Dem run economy but failed. She's also upset that Mr. Obama isn't hanging out in Egypt telling them how to run things over there. I think we're all in agreement that Egypt is a nation unto itself, not controlled by America, so I'm not sure why she thinks they want to listen to anything he would have to say - especially considering the fact that we can't even run ourselves efficiently.

I read another crazy quote from someone on a message board who said she avoided having an epidural during labor because she didn't want her kid to get autism. I guess I missed that chapter in What to Expect When You're Expecting because I was completely oblivious to the fact that there is an autism/epidural link now that the autism/vaccine link is old news.

People are really, shockingly out of their minds sometimes. A former roommate once told me that he didn't use teflon or the microwave because they cause cancer. The actual words out of his mouth were, "Do you think ancient Greeks died of cancer? No, because they didn't have things like teflon and microwaves." Ehem, the word cancer came from Hippocrates, a really old Greek dude.

Rollover!

2011-02-17T07:09:00.000-08:00

Ungrateful Little Urchins

2011-02-16T13:15:00.001-08:00

I wrote the following paragraph yesterday with the intention of finishing the post today with a whole bunch of "WAHH! I'm missing my child's life because we need this stupid thing called money to pay these even stupider things called bills."

Lennon is frustratingly close to rolling over. Everyday he gets a little closer and last night he was 99% of the way there. He had his entire body facing down and all he had to do was let himself go and touch the ground. He was like a 1/4 inch away from begin completely on the floor when he suddenly snapped back over onto his back. There was this thunderous, "NOOOOOOOOOO!" between Matt and me. After that he never got as close again. He would get up onto his side and start grunting while trying to flip himself over. But he was too worn out and couldn't make it. I told Matt that he doesn't dare put Lennon on the floor today when I'm not around to see it. I have a feeling that the next time we let him kick around on the floor he'll flip himself over. So help me I will not miss my first big parenting milestone because I am at work. So. Help. Me.

And then this morning, less than 90 minutes after I left the house, that ungrateful little urchin/sweetchubbface rolled over. He rolled over without me. He didn't even care that I wasn't there to see it. His dad reports that he rolled over, laughed about it, and then hung out on his tummy until he started grunting and needed to be manually rolled back. I've been working with him for two weeks on rolling over, and then I miss it by 90 minutes. What the shit is up with that?

Here he is right before the roll:

I don't know what to say except, WAHH! I'm missing my child's life because we need this stupid thing called money to pay these even stupider things called bills.

Grammy Trainwreck

2011-02-14T07:19:00.000-08:00

I listen to two radio stations - Omaha's NPR station, and 105.9 classic rock. And despite having no clue what's happening in popular music these days, I watched the majority of the Grammys last night.

Wow. Can I just say, wow. It was bad.

I only watched it to see Mumford and Sons. After they played, I ended up switching over to the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. At least RHOA is upfront about being a completely trashy program. They aren't parading around behind some illusion of tradition and esteem. No, they're wearing fake hair and showing off their boob jobs and yelling at each other. And they're honest about it. Whereas the Grammys had pretty much all the same elements but with far more self-congratulations and zero sense of humor. (Save for Cee-Lo who probably wasn't taking himself too seriously singing with muppets.)

That probably explains my biggest beef with popular music in the last oh, 20 years. It's not that the music is bad, just that it's average. But the images and egos that go along with that average music are so over-the-top and manufactured that the combination of the two makes no sense at all. Lady Gaga's song was a pretty obvious, and snooze-worthy ripoff off Madonna. It was boring, you guys. But Lady Gaga herself is this walking, avant-garde freak show. If she really has that much style and such a highly elevated level of taste, how can she put out such terrible music and sincerely feel good about it? I don't get the correlation between her music and her image. The same goes for Katy Perry. She's supposedly this outrageous rocker chick who does crazy things and is married to Russell Brand, but in reality she sings circa 2000 Brittany Spears quality pop music and hawks acne medicine for pocket change! Please, someone explain to me what is so rocknroll about selling Proactiv on TBS?

At least with the Mumfords of the world they're honest about who and what they are. A bunch of guys playing banjos and upright basses might not make for great TV, but at least they're real musicians playing real music live on live television and not with the aide of backing tracks and prerecorded vocals. I'm sorry, but if you can't recreate the vocals you recorded in a studio, live on a stage then you're probably not Grammy worthy. And that my friends, is the problem with the Grammys.

Three Cheers for Sleeping!

2011-02-10T13:59:00.001-08:00

A major parenting milestone occurred overnight: Lennon slept from 9:00pm - 5:30am. DUDE! Unless you have been waking up at least once a night to feed a baby for three months, preceded by nine months of waking up at least once a night to pee or make sure you don't barf in the bed, you have no idea what a beautiful thing that was. Even if this is the only time it ever happens. Even though I still ended up putting the coffee on at 5:30. I slept through the night uninterrupted. And that is worth blogging about.

In other news, I'm going to spend the weekend at my parents. Matt is leaving tomorrow and they asked me to stay with them, supposedly for my benefit. However, I suspect an alternative motive in the form of 48 hours straight with their grandchild. I admit I am looking forward to it though. Nana and Pop Pop time means I can have both hands free AT THE SAME TIME. This is great news since I bought a book that I'm trying to read before going to a lecture by the author (currently on page 37 which is technically page 1 of the actual text) and I want to make my niece a birthday present. I'm also elated over the fact that they now have wireless internet so I can use my iPad. My parents are quite possibly the last people in the world to cancel their AOL. Yes, I'm talking DIAL-UP. Until last week, using the internet and talking on the phone at the same time was but a mere dream for my mother. Now she's enjoying 2002 with the rest of us.

Adulthood Is a Bitch

2011-02-02T13:01:00.000-08:00

The good news is that I booked 24 weddings this year, 24 being my goal. The bad news is that I now have two full-time jobs and a family. Oye.

I hoped to book 24 weddings which would give me a monthly income comparable to what I make now at my 8-5 job. If I add in a handful of family photo sessions every month, I'm definitely making the same money. But 2011 is going to be a huge learning year for us. We have a kid now who is only going to be costing us more and more money as he grows. Matt is also starting out his first year of being self-employed. I don't know if I ever blogged about it, but Matt got laid off from his craptastic restaurant job four days before Lennon was born. His choice (if you can even call it that) was either get another shit restaurant job or sign on for a second touring show and finally do the musician thing full-time and be a stay-at-home-dad between tours.

If I quit my job, we'll be relying on two self-employed incomes. My weddings are contracted so that money is pretty locked in. But Matt's income usually isn't confirmed until 3-4 months out from the tour. Like right now we only have his schedule confirmed through the beginning of March. The shows he is in are gaining a lot of interest with a potential contract through a casino. He could have a really great year ahead. Or not. We just don't know how much money he'll bring in this year.

This is also supposed to be the year that we save a shitload of money and finally get around to fixing things in the house that we've been neglecting. That's not going to happen if I quit my job. All my photography money goes into a business account where it sits. I occasionally pull money to pay for things, but mostly it just gets saved. Not so if I'm pulling out $2000 a month to pay bills.

And then there's the self-employment tax. Oh god, the tax. It's an ass-kicker. It haunts me in my sleep. I can't even imagine what I'm going to pay to the government in 2011. What if we have to pay them $10,000 at the end of the year? That could potentially be a deal breaker on its own.

But if I stay at my job I'm trading time with my family for a second paycheck. I spend 45 hours a week away from Lennon working at my office. And soon I'm going to lose three Saturdays a month for weddings and likely a couple Sundays for engagement and family photos. It's completely heartbreaking to think of how little time I will get to spend with my baby this year. I want to stay home with him and Matt and be his daycare provider when Matt's out of town. I don't want to miss out on my family because I'm trying to be super career lady, working seven days a week. Plus, I still have the potential of booking more weddings this year. I've turned down open dates because it's just too much. But what if I can book 5 more in 2011? Would that be enough to make my decision easier? But what if I still can't quit my job and end up with 30 weddings, making the situation even worse?

It's such a terrifying ordeal. Which is the better choice? An overwhelming amount of work and an underwhelming amount of time with my family, or a huge risk with possible catastrophic results? My priorities are telling me that irreplaceable time with Lennon is more important than a savings account. However, I would absolutely have a heart attack if we couldn't pay our bills. I've had a salary since I was 20 years old. I don't know how to live without someone else signing my paychecks. It's one of those life choices that I wish someone else could make for me.

I need a bottle of wine and m&ms. Big decisions need to be made.

Cloth Diapering; The Beginning and Possible End Of

2011-01-28T13:42:00.001-08:00

So, cloth diapering is awesome. It's super cute. It saves money. It's environmentally friendly. It helped Lennon's tush when he had some crazy rash. And the best part of all, I had my husband on board with it. Until Lennon pooped in one. Thus, the potential end of cloth diapering. He called me at work to tell me that it was disgusting and he hated it. I asked him what exactly he thought was going to happen to the poop once it was inside the cloth diaper. He had no answer. Poop faeries or some bullshit I suppose because he was not anticipating having to clean poop out of a cloth diaper even though it is a diaper.

He wants to stop using them which I'm not too happy about. We agreed to use them and spent a lot on them with the intention that it would save us money in the long run. About $1000 between now and potty training, actually. I thought he understood the consequence of a baby pooping in a reusable diaper, but apparently I was wrong. I continue to use them while I'm home because I'm committed to this endeavor. And because Lennon doesn't usually poop in the evening.

Cutting the Budget in 2011

2011-01-12T13:34:00.001-08:00

Our dog has food allergies and we either have to buy him $50 bags of dog food or listen to him flapping his irritated ears day and night. Our kid also has food intolerances and we spend on average $175 a month in formula. Dude. Seriously.

It's time to start trimming some spending in our house. I'm trying oh so hard to be budget conscious in 2011. I'm officially paying off my credit card today (once I get the courage to write out a check for it) and I'm thinking about paying off our NFM account after we file our taxes. We recently cut $30 off our cable bill and in the fall we combined cell phone plans to save another $30 a month. We ended up adding life insurance policies which throws $80 back on. When it's all added up, from September to February we've cut $230 out of our monthly bills. Wow, just enough to cover the formula and dog food! SWEET! So much for trying to get ahead.

I've been taking a real look lately at what I spend my money on and why. I used to spend a lot of money on eating lunches out at work and occasional dinners out with Matt. I've started taking lunch from home and skipping an actual break so I can go home early for baby snuggles. Baby snuggles must be made from crack because I want them at all hours. They're worth skipping lunch for. And because of said baby, Matt and I can no longer eat in public so we cook all meals with the occasional $20 Mangia takeout on the weekends.

There's still one more thing I tend to blow money on… Most of my non-bill spending goes to trying to look cool. I buy a lot of clothes and shoes. Lots. The last twelve months were kind of weird so I'm trying to convince myself that I don't always spend that much money on clothes. I mean, I progressively got bigger and bigger until I got smaller - but not small enough to fit back into my old pants. My options for the last year were to either buy one big giant muumuu and make it work, or buy clothes that fit my crazy ass body. Now that I'm settling back into a weight that resembles my old weight (so what if I have to lay down to zip my pants and then wear spanx to hide the muffin top) I really really want to cut my habit of spending too much on clothes. Because honestly, no matter how much money I spend on clothes that make me look cool, I'm still not cool. I'm 27, let's end this charade. Plus, now all my clothes get barfed on. Who wants to buy something at Anthropologie for $129 and then immediately have it yacked upon. Not me.

Having a baby created this nagging lump in my gut that makes me feel like I'm bankrupting my family's future for meaningless thrills in the present. I want us to have a good future. I want to take nice family vacations. I want to buy a house on an acre so I have outdoor photo space. I want to retire before I'm 75 and slump over dead at my computer one day. I'm not going to get those things unless I learn to start saving for them today.

I've done really well this month so far. I even decided that I don't need a $75 vintage dress for our family photos at the end of the month. Instead, I've decided to buy a new pair of tights to spice up a dress that I already have. $5 instead of $75. Look at me be an adult! Look at me not spend $75 on a one-of-a-kind, never-going-to-see-it-again, only-one-in-existence navy 1960s mini dress! That is some fucking willpower right there.

Cry Baby, Cry

2011-01-04T07:07:00.000-08:00

That sweet little baby pictured above cries like a friggin maniac when he eats. Little by little we're improving the freak-outs. They used to start the minute he woke up and only stopped when he wore himself out and temporarily fell unconscious. I hesitate to call it "sleep" because "sleep" usually lasts longer than 45 minutes at a time. He's making improvement and now only really cries sometime during a feeding, and not for very long. Here are a few of the changes we've made so far to help lessen the torture of bottle time...

1. Reflux Meds - Our poor little baby has reflux. Most babies outgrow it but I'm afraid ours might be stuck with it for eternity. I remember having heartburn since I was seven. It runs in the family - Grandpa, Dad, me, Lennon. He's on zantac and omeprazole. Aww, just like mommy! The meds lessened the crying and helped him sleep through the night (God bless you, pump inhibitors) but they didn't completely take care of it so we moved on to...

2. MSPI Diagnosis - On top of reflux, our lucky little baby has milk/soy protein intolerance. It's exactly what it sounds like. The proteins in his formula were jacking with his intestines so now he's on a special formula that is mostly corn based. It costs $25.99 for a one pound can and makes Lennon's breath smell like Fritos. It makes his gas smell like something far worse. Far, far worse. But it took our baby from a constant state of misery to smile town so it's worth the money.

3. Gas Drops - I don't know if these really do any good. His belly gurgles a ton and as I mentioned already, his farts can clear a room, so we give him gas drops to help the fella out.

4. Change to a larger flow nipple - This is one of those things that we never would have figured out on our own. The magic of the internet suggested we bump him from a level 1 nipple to a level 2 nipple. This one was HUGE for us. A typical 3 oz bottle feeding went from 90 minutes down to 15. Changing out the stupid nipples saved our sanity. And now Lennon eats like there's no tomorrow. He wants more, more, more all the time.

He still cries. We burp him, feed him in small increments, feed him in large increments, feed him sitting still, feed him bouncing on a giant ball, feed him with the lights out, feed him while white noise playing... And yet he cries. But a lot less, so I guess I'll take it.

A Few 2011 Goals

2011-01-03T12:23:00.001-08:00

I was looking over my list of goals for 2010 and I really didn't do to bad on doing a lot of the things on the list. So, in honor of 2011 ( and not having anything else to do at the moment) here's this year's list:

1. Lose these last 5 baby pounds
2. Get new windows for the house
3. Buy a bracket for my camera
4. Make weekly grocery lists and stick to them
5. Fewer impulse trips to Target
6. Make better use out of my wardrobe instead of buying new things
7. Start selling on etsy again
8. Make Christmas stockings for next year
9. Be better about answering emails in a timely manner
10. Learn to make perogies
11. Stop letting junk pile up around the house

I think thats a good start. I already did good and answered all my emails from over the weekend up until 30 minutes ago. I also hit the Wii Fit tonight and tried to get a little exercise in. That bastard told me I've got a lot more than 5 pounds to lose. Mind your own business, Wii. Maybe I need one more:

12. Run a 1/2 marathon

I Had A Baby!

2010-11-07T13:04:00.000-08:00

Lennon's first night at home.

On Halloween, Lennon Joseph made his way into the world. It was the most bizarre and amazing day of my life.

I started to go into labor some time on Friday or Saturday. Early labor is pretty easy going. Lots of little contractions, not a lot of progress. By Saturday afternoon I was having regular contractions every 4-7 minutes with growing pain and tightness in my back. That went on for about three hours and we weren't really sure what to do. I wasn't in any pain, I was just contracting a lot. We called the nurse line and she recommended we come in and get checked out. We packed up the car without any real anticipation that we'd be coming back home with a baby. We figured we were jumping the gun and they'd send us home to continue with the contractions.

Turns out, we were right. Kind of. I got checked into a room, handed over various samples of my bodily fluids and got hooked up to a monitor. The world's sexiest obstetrician checked me out and told me that I wasn't dilated enough to be admitted. However, my blood pressure was totally jacked (like 150/100) and I had protein in my urine so I needed to be watched for preeclampsia. (Pregnancy-induced hypertension.) This involved me collecting all my urine in a bucket for 24 hours, storing it in my fridge, and returning it to the hospital the next day. Sweet. So, we took my pee collection kit and we left, hoping to return soon in actual labor. We got about five minutes away from the hospital when a less sexy OB called me and asked me to come back. They decided they weren't comfortable letting me go home with such high blood pressure and they'd go ahead and induce me that night since I was a day away from 40 weeks.

We went back and Dr. Sexy told me that they'd let me labor on my own for a while and see if I made any progress. It was now around 7:30pm. They checked me periodically but nothing was happening. Around 3:30am on Sunday they broke my water. Umm, wow. Gross is all I can say about that. I pray if I ever get pregnant again that my water does not break on it's own. Everyone is all, "Just wear a maxi pad around your due date." Right, I don't think an entire package of maxi pads would do any good in that situation. Long story short, I had baby poo in my amniotic fluid which meant Lennon was at risk to inhale it on his way out. Baby poo in the lungs = bad. (I learned that watching 16 and Pregnant.) A pediatrics team would be in the room when I delivered to check him out and make sure everything was okay.

Fast forward another four hours and my damn cervix hadn't budged. I was having some crazy back pain because Lennon was flipped around backwards so I was already cracking and looking for someone to hook me up with drugs. Then Dr. Sexy dropped by to tell me it was time to hit the pitocin to try and move things along. I now happily consented to an epidural. Best. Decision. Ever. I got that around 9:00, got the pitocin shortly afterwards, and was ready to push by 11:45. The epidural never completely took so I had most of my feeling in my left side. Feeling quickly started to return to my right side, so by the time baby was ready to make his exit, I could feel everything. GOOD GOD I FELT EVERYTHING. I felt myself pooping in front of a room full of strangers. I felt things that required stitches to fix. I felt my baby getting stuck on his way out. I couldn't get him out fast enough and he started to stress. His heart rate dropped and he took a big gulp of that poo fluid so the vacuum made it's appearance. The fastest way to get a stuck baby out of the birth canal is to suck it out. So that's what they did. But before the vacuum can come out with a baby attached to it, it needs to go in. Ya, not something I realized before that moment. I certainly felt that too. Most of the pushing phase is a big blur but I remember screaming like an animal some time around here.

The vacuum had his head out in about .5 seconds. His body slipped out with one more push. And there he was. Lennon. I got one brief look at him before he was taken by peds to be checked over. At this point, I have no idea what's happening. The nicest nurse in the world was hugging me and telling me I did great. Everyone else is assessing the damage and doing whatever it was they were there to do. Then someone came in and told me that about 10 minutes after delivery Lennon started struggling to breath on his own and he quickly started loosing color and movement. He was now on oxygen and in an incubator and needed to be taken to NICU immediately. I freaked the fuck out. All I could think was that I just brought him into the world and he was going to die before I could even hold him. I can't think about it without crying still. It was the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced.

An hour or so later, someone came and told me and my family that by the time they got him down to NICU he had already started breathing strongly and had really perked up. It was likely just a case of him being too tired from delivery and needing a little help getting going on his own. I finally got wheeled down to NICU and he was hooked up to a bunch of machines, wires and IVs all over the place. I didn't feel like he was my baby. I was just staring at some child, crying my eyes out, not knowing why. Someone finally pulled him out of his little incubator and let me hold him. I got to look at him, study him, kiss him. He looked a lot like me, which I couldn't believe. It was like, "Ok, ya. I guess this is my baby after all." It was such a relief.

The next couple of days are blurry. I didn't really sleep at all in the hospital. I just sat in my bed and watched hours and hours of TBS. Whenever I wanted to see Lennon, I had to walk down to the NICU. It sucked. I just wanted him with me, beside my bed where I could see him. Technically, he was fine and didn't need to be in NICU but since he was on an IV to prevent infection from breathing in the poo he had to stay down there. No infection ever developed so he got to come home with us when I was discharged. We were afraid he was going to have to stay an extra day but the kiddo checked out just fine at his 48 hour tests and was sent packing.

So, now we're parents. We're in love with our baby. And we're tired.

I'm sure there's a lot more to the story that I could share, but my brain is running at half speed right now. Taking care of a newborn is friggin exhausting. I'm sure I'll write little stories here and there that fill in more details. But for now, that's about as coherent as I can be. :)

Stress and My Reaction to it (i.e. alcohol)

2010-10-27T13:22:00.000-07:00

I noticed a long time ago that I have two reactions to stress.

1. Eating (okay, drinking too)
2. I completely and utterly shut down

I have this terrible habit of doing absolutely nothing when I feel overwhelmed. Like, lay in bed with Bravo and a beer for hours on end. That sort of "nothing." It is just about the stupidest reaction in the world but it's my go-to coping mechanism. It usually lasts about a week and then the panic really sets in. At that point I end up making a list of all the things overwhelming me and start checking them off one by one as I clear them out of the way. You'd think it would make more sense to just skip the slacking and drinking and head straight to the list, wouldn't you?

As you can maybe imagine, the entire month of October has been a nightmare. Minus booze. So like, a complete and utter terror from which there is no waking. I got so far behind on my business, added on to that a crap load of baby stress and the stress of finishing up a million projects at my 8-5 job. I spent the first two weeks of the month gently rocking myself in a corner and the last two weeks busting my ass. Looking back on it, it's probably not a route I would take twice but I'm almost done digging my way out. I still have an entire wedding to edit before giving birth AT ANY MOMENT and a stack of stuff to mail out, then I'm dunzo. All that's left after that is birthing and caring for another human being for the next eighteen years. Piece of fucking cake.

38 Weeks

2010-10-17T19:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, this shit is starting to get old. I really wish I could take the next two weeks off from everything and spend 14 days in bed, in Matt's pajamas. (Mine don't exactly fit anymore.) Aside from the unimaginable excitement to meet my baby, there is absolutely nothing fun about being a full-term pregnant woman.

It takes an 8 point maneuver to get out of bed to pee (3 times) in the middle of the night. I have to grab a hold of my pant leg at the ankle to hoist my leg up in order to put on my shoes. I then usually need Matt's help taking my shoes back off. My belly is so low now that I can't cross my legs or even put my knees together. Therefore, I waddle. Um what else... I sweat a lot. My skin is always dry. 60% of my day is spent in a Braxton Hicks contraction, which doesn't hurt by the way but does seriously test your bladder control. I won't tell you any of the gross stuff... I'll let you all experience that out for yourselves when that time comes.

But on a good note, I have yet to develop a single stretch mark and my boobs are ginormous and perky. Too bad they're not at all sexy right now. A great rack attached to a 9 months pregnant woman just doesn't pack the same punch anymore. It's a shame, really. Women pay good money for boobs the size of mine right now.

Matt came home today from a 10 day tour. I tried my hardest to be lazy while he was gone. I was afraid of nesting too hard and giving the baby some false sense of well-being in the outside world. I wanted him to continue thinking it was a disaster out here so he'd stay put until Matt was within a 20 minute range from me. And now that he's home I am a mad frenzy of babyness. I washed and sterilized bottles, pacifiers, anything that goes in a baby's mouth. I laundered all the cloth diapers. I put sheets on the crib. I lined the changing table with shelf paper. Oh god, how I love shelf paper. I want to cover my entire house in it.

We're pretty much ready to go! Well, except for not having a hospital bag packed and not having the car seat safely secured in the car. So obviously I don't mean "ready to go" in the literal sense. We are literally not ready to go to the hospital to have a baby. But we are more or less prepared in the event that that happens sometime prior to our given due date. What do I really need for the hospital anyway? Pajamas, a toothbrush and my iPad. Bamm, done packing the bag. And we can just chuck the car seat in the trunk and figure it out in the parking garage when they release us.

I am going to be such a great mom.

Is It a Sin to Put Diapers in a $3000 Bag?

2010-09-16T07:59:00.000-07:00

I'm a little anti-diaperbag. No offense to diaper bags and the folks who carry them but I prefer something a little flashier, a little less practical. A little more, "Hey, look at me and my ridiculous bag!"

Here are a few giant satchels I found that I really love. They range in price from $2900 to $70.

Yes. That is correct.

The top left is a $2900 Nancy Somethingorother from Berdorf's and the top right is a $1400 Prada. They are gorgeous. But areyoufreakingkiddingme? Are they lined with hundred dollar bills? Besides, if I bought a Prada bag and carried it with a head-to-toe Target outfit people would assume it's fake. I might as well save myself $1350 and buy a $50 fake Prada on ebay if I'm going that route. (Major Sex and the City flashback right there.)

I'm leaning heavily toward the dotted one in the middle. It's completely insane looking but I really like it. Plus it's gigantic and I could probably fit everything I need into it, including my baby.

We're pretty much done getting all the actual baby stuff we need. Now I'm just buying fun stuff because I'm excited for this kid to get here already. And then once he's here I'll say to myself, "Why did I think I would ever leave the house again after giving birth? I should have saved that bag money for diapers and booze."

Progress, Folks!

2010-09-15T10:38:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share a photo from a wedding I shot last weekend. The setup was the idea of the bride and her maid-of-honor and at first I thought, "Whoa, holy cheese city." But the photo turned out pretty damn cute. But most importantly, I took this photo in a bar bathroom, with no light, with a flash and it actually looks good! A year ago, there's no way I could have pulled that off!

Happy 2nd!

2010-09-13T13:20:00.000-07:00

Today is our second anniversary. It kind of feels like two years, and it kind of doesn't. Our marriage has been pretty easy going so far. We don't fight over things that aren't worth fighting over and we honestly love each other more now than when we got married. I'm also completely smitten with the fact that we're creating a miniature version of ourselves mashed into one body. It's so bizarre and so sweet at the same time. :)

We're In the Single Digits!

2010-09-09T13:34:00.000-07:00

Photo by Tim Tab - Taken at our Colorado workshop a few weeks ago

Sometimes when my stomach bubbles and lurches involuntarily, I forget that I'm pregnant and I think it's a raging case of intestinal distress. I think, "WTF did I eat for lunch?" and then remember that it's not something I ate, it's something I'm growing. Although if it were something I ate, it would probably be a lot easier to get out.

And that brings us to...

Less than eight weeks left until my due date, but probably more than eight weeks left until I actually give birth. I've been reading a lot lately, and it turns out that due dates are pretty unscientific. The most accurate dates are the ones guessed at within 6 to 7 weeks of conception. (So my actual due date might be closer to November 3rd.) The accuracy dwindles from there. Supposedly, labor is started by your baby when his lungs are done developing. He releases a hormone that initiates labor. Technically, this doesn't take 40 weeks. It can take anywhere from 37 to 42. So, when your doctor pinpoints your 40 week due date, you can go anywhere from three weeks early to two weeks late and still have a normal term pregnancy. Isn't that great news!

I swear that there should be some sort of post-high school health class for women. This pregnancy thing is such a damn mystery in our culture. We're all taught to believe that birth is on par with having your appendix removed. You make an appointment, go to the hospital, and the doctors fix you. Our active role in labor and delivery has been removed. We're taught to be patients and not women giving birth. It seems so wrong. Women should be given more respect than that. Whether you give birth without any drugs at all, or you have a c-section, there are still so many things you can do to advocate for yourself and your baby to have a great experience. It's okay for you to be in control. I wish women were told that at some point in their lives. Instead, we get movies and TV shows that portray women giving birth who are wild with terror and franticly rushing through hospital corridors, pleading for a doctor to dope them up, yelling at their partners for having penises, etc.

Give me a fucking break. We're better than that.

30 weeks!

2010-08-24T08:32:00.000-07:00

I am now officially more than 75% done gestating. I am looking forward to Starbucks and a beer. I've already researched how to safely integrate caffeine and booze back into my diet while breastfeeding.

And that's the end of the breastfeeding talk on this blog. Talking about it creeps me out.

My midsection is freakishly huge. Week by week I have fewer clothes that can cover it. I think I'm down to 6 shirts, 3 skirts, 2 pairs of pants and maybe 4 dresses. 40 years ago that would be an entire wardrobe, but today it's a dire situation. A crisis. Especially since 1/2 of the clothes make me look like a fat fatty and I hate wearing them. I was complaining to my parents about it and I said that I don't want to buy anymore giant clothes to get through the rest of my pregnancy since I only have 10 weeks left. My dad so kindly pointed out, "Well, it's unlikely that you're going to get any smaller between now and then." True, Dad. Very true.

So I start looking for more clothes that fit. And I come across a few maternity things that I can live with, but wait. What's that? Oh crap it's a really awesome leather jacket on clearance that might fit me again by the time we hit 2011. Should I spend $60 on maternity clothes or $60 on a clearance leather jacket that was $300?? The leather jacket will last me a lot longer than 10 weeks.

And now I own a leather jacket.

These are not the actions of a woman who should be preparing for the eminent arrival of a money sucking baby. The price of daycare alone is enough to give me the vapors. But this is the last time in my life that I don't have to put someone else's needs and wellbeing ahead of my own. I have eighteen years of my child's expenses on the horizon so you damn well better believe I bought the jacket.

Speaking of spending money on stuff I shouldn't...

2011 is shaping up to be a really good year for my photography business. I have seven weddings booked and five more contracts out waiting to be signed. The summer is going to be completely chaotic but having real live money in my pocket for the first time since buying a house is going to be great. We might actually have the funds to replace our crapalicious windows and maybe, just maybe, turn the world's scariest laundry room toilet into an honest to goodness bathroom. Oh how I dream...

I finally hit my groove with weddings. They don't completely terrify me anymore. Stressful, yes. Terrifying, no. My skill level has improved a lot over the last four or five too. The biggest thing I had to teach myself was that I am hired by the wedding couple to do a job. I shouldn't worry about whose way I might be in. I was always so preoccupied with being inconspicuous throughout the whole day that I wasn't getting the best shots. Now, I'm not afraid to walk up to the head table and snap a couple photos during toasts. I'll step out on the dance floor during the first dance and get a nice closeup. I'm certainly more confident with what I'm doing. It's made a huge difference.

My dream is still to be able to book an entire year, maybe 25 weddings, and be able to quit my office job. It's going to be tough but I really love doing this. I think I have the ability to make it within the next couple of years. I would love nothing more than to be able to stay home with my kid during the week and still have an awesome, creative career. And then when my kid is old enough to go to school I can hang out all day in my pajamas drinking coffee.

Hell. Yes.

I Am A Living Matryoshka Doll

2010-07-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

...Pop me in half and there's a smaller version of me hiding inside.

I'm trying to give up caffeine again and it's killing me. I have had no energy at all. When we were on vacation, I got into the habit of having half a cup of coffee in the morning. Bad idea. All it took was five days and now I'm sufferin. I've had one Diet Coke this week and I feel like a slug. The peak of my patheticness came Wednesday night when I picked up Chinese food after work and we ate dinner in bed. I ate, put my take-out container on the nightstand, rolled over and fell asleep. Seriously. It has not bothered this kid at all though. He's still freaking out like usual. There is a Russian folk dance happening inside my uterus this morning. You know what I'm talking about:

My birthday is next week and I'm going to be 27. By the end of the year I'm going to be 27, married for two years, and someone's mother. When did all this start happening?

Summer Vacation and Growing More Pregnant By the Minute

2010-07-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

It officially feels like summer. It's freaking hot, I feel incredibly lazy, we just went on vacation… We went to Estes Park with a side trip to Denver. Word of advice: when the weather is forecasting the hottest day of the year in Denver, you should believe them and not go to Denver. Hello, 102°. Other than that, vacation was awesome. We saw "Body Worlds: The Original Exhibition WE SWEAR" at the Denver science museum. The exhibit was awesome. (And yes, I know I'm about four years late to the party on this.) My favorite parts were seeing what a smoker's lung really looks like and pointing to all the penises. I may be pregnant but that doesn't mean I have to act like someone's mom all the time.

Back in Estes we did the usual stuff. Visited Rocky Mountain National Park (hooray for me not having a panic attack in the car!), toured The Stanley Hotel and fed wild, voracious animals (squirrels) with our bare hands on top of a mountain. I also experienced what it's like to be pregnant at 7500 feet. My hands and feet swelled up like sausages. I was pretty out of breath when we "hiked" the flat ground around a lake at RMNP. It was awesome. I am so happy to be back in an un-elevated city.

Can I get judgey for a minute? When we were in Estes, we walked by a woman on the sidewalk changing her kid's diaper. But wait. Her family was sitting outside the DQ on the window bench enjoying their ice cream. And right next to them on the same bench, in front of people on the street and other people inside the DQ, this woman was cleaning shit off her baby's butt. There was a public bathroom with a changing table about 30 feet away. WTF is up with that? I also saw a family who believed the Huggies commercial when they said that jean diapers double as pants. WHY DO THOSE THINGS EXIST!?!

So, here we are back in Omaha, finishing up July and my fifth month of gestation. I feel huge, like I look way more pregnant than I really am. I'm about 75% sure that's not really the case but still. It's hard not to feel self-conscious when there's a child hanging off your frontside. One thing getting me though all of this, though? Bravo TV. Bethanny Getting Married? has been my saving grace this summer. No matter how neurotic and overwhelmed I feel, I'm the picture of maternal grace compared to that woman. God love her for it, though. She cracks me up. I'm also really proud of her for making it through a whole lot of delivery without any birth classes or yelling and screaming. She made it though something like 12+ hours of labor with just yoga breathing exercises. Good for her!

I've made a couple baby related purchases lately. There was that stroller I got such a good deal on. I put it together and oh lordy - the thing is huge. HUGE! I could probably fit inside it. I also picked out some orange Flor tiles that were on clearance for $4.99 a square. And then we (mainly I) finally decided on a crib and ordered that. I don't know why I put up such a psychotic fit about buying the absolute perfect crib but I did. And then I ended up buying something pretty unspectacular because it matched the bedroom furniture we already own. Eh, story of my life. Freak out for months over something completely inconsequential and then in the end just give up and buy whatever is most convenient/cheapest.

Strollers and Boots

2010-07-14T14:56:00.000-07:00

I've gotten into the habit of checking all these kid and baby deal-a-day websites, even subscribing to some via twitter, and it's ruining my life. More specifically, it's ruining the low balance on my credit card. I was doing really good and I only bought some diapers off of one but then today I lost my shit and I spent $325 on a stroller set. But to my credit it was an amazing deal. It's a fancy stroller and infant carrier that is usually $650. (Yes, people spend that kind of money on little buggies to push their toddlers around in.)

Just last night I was looking at some Vivienne Westwood boots online and I said to myself, "$425 is an insane amount of money to spend on boots, even if they were originally $899." Then, BAMM! I spend $325 on a stroller because it's 50% off. It's still an insane amount of money to be spent on anything really, but at least now I'll be one of the trendy moms with the nice stroller when I go out to Village Pointe.

But damn if I wouldn't be the hottest, trendiest mom ever with my fancy stroller and Vivienne Westwood boots.

I'm 5 Months Pregnant!

2010-06-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

Hey there, week 22! I have officially made it to five months. Hallelujah. I can't wait for this kid to be here already. We found out last week that we're having a boy. We weren't at all surprised. It felt like one of those things that we'd always known. But since now we had medical confirmation of our hunch we went and registered for some baby stuff.

OMG everyone... Babies R Us will suck your soul dry. I'm warning you now. Of course I had been to a Toys R Us before, but not a Babies R Us. (Commonly referred to as BRU by moms in the know.) That store is aisle after aisle of pastel colored baby garbage. I turned to Matt and asked, "This stuff is gross. Where's the hipster baby aisle?" After a few minutes of stunned, overwhelmed wandering he finally pointed out that we're registering for things for a baby, not ourselves. The baby isn't going to care what his crib sheets look like. Yes. Point taken. Still though, we registered for the tuxedo bib and the peace sign sleep sack. The baby might not care, but I still have to be the one seen in public with him. I don't want him embarrassing me with his lack of style.

And then we have to deal with the nursery... It started to get cleaned out, then it filled back up with random furniture and junk. So, we've made pretty much no progress on it. Our initial goal was to have it empty and ready for decorating by Memorial Day. Now our goal is 4th of July weekend. And if that doesn't happen, then our next goal is early August when we have a shower at our house.

And if that doesn't happen, my parents will be finishing the nursery while I'm delivering at the hospital.

Sushi Night!

2010-06-12T06:30:00.000-07:00

We had our sushi trial run with friends last night and it was awesome! My expectations weren't too high for our first attempt but it was surprisingly easy.

First up, we had to locate a bunch of Asian cooking items. We were thinking about taking our chances at a regular grocery store but then I found an Asian market literally a few blocks from our house. The market was... an experience? It smelled like poo inside the store and the lady at the front counter was eating food and licking her fingers. I kept repeating to myself, "It's all prepackaged. It's all prepackaged. It's all prepackaged." A few minutes and a few squirts of hand sanitizer later, we were ready to rock. While it was a completely disgusting place to shop, it was worth the trip. We spent $13 and got:

2 packs of seaweed wrappers
Rice paper
Rice vermicelli noodles
Rice vinegar
chop sticks
2 sushi rollers

First up, we made shrimp spring rolls.

We made ours with rice noodles, carrots, bean sprouts, cilantro and shrimp. Pile all of your ingredients up and roll the rice paper like a little tiny burrito. I also made a peanut sauce for dipping these. Without the sauce they might have been a little boring but these were one of my favorite things we made.

Next we started the sushi rolls. Sushi rice is really, really sticky. It was strange stuff. Also, you don't realize how much rice goes on a roll until you make it yourself. We used close to a cup of rice for every roll. So word to the wise for everyone: Make lots of rice. Lots. We ended up making a second batch and used over 6 cups of cooked rice. (Hope no one has to weigh in today!)

Here are our first two: shrimp rolls and veggie rolls.

The veggie rolls have spicey mayo (mayo and Sriracha sauce), carrots, avocado, bean sprouts and cilantro. The shrimp rolls have spicey mayo, shrimp, avocado and green onions. I suppose these were *close* to real sushi. They tasted like real sushi anyway.

We also made a shredded BBQ pork and coleslaw roll that was just stupid it was so good. I somehow didn't end up with a picture of that one. I also tried an orange chicken roll but it failed. Matt then one upped me with a chicken bacon roll. I didn't try that one but I hear it was good. I was seriously riced out at the end of the night. I hit my limit. But that doesn't mean there wasn't room for...

Crab rangoon rolls!

Dude. Crab rangoon stuffing, smeared on seaweed, and dipped in tempura batter. And then fried. It was so good. No need to say anymore.

The Sushi Experiment

2010-06-10T12:36:00.001-07:00

Earlier this year, Matt and I went to California with some friends for a little vacation before the guys went on a tour. We were in the throws of our experimental vegetarian period so a trip to San Francisco and outlying cities was perfect. Everything restaurant had vegetarian items on the menu - and not just "vegetarian" items like spaghetti hold the meatballs. We're talkin real California hippy vegetarian cuisine.

We ended up in Sacramento one night to meet up with a group flying in from Omaha. We were in town so we stopped at Guy Fieri's restaurant, Tex Wasabi. Tex Wasabi is a sushi/BBQ fusion weirdo restaurant. If you've ever watched a show starring Guy Fieri you probably know that the dude is not a fan of vegetarian food. But I thought, it's a sushi joint (kind of) so we should be okay.

I was only kind of wrong.

The thing that Tex Wasabi is known for is it's really strange sushi rolls. Like, BBQ beef and french fries shoved in a roll. Everyone at the table ordered these kinds of rolls and ended up saying it was one of the best meals they had on the trip. I ordered an Asian slaw appetizer thing and a veggie roll. They. Were. Both. Terrible. My only regret from that trip is that I didn't eat meat at that dinner.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago when we went to a party and the host made a platter of sushi for everyone. It was kind of late, maybe 11:00, so everyone but me was a wee bit on the drunk side. I sat in front of Keith (host) and watched him make sushi for probably close to an hour. He explained everything to me and made it sound relatively simple. I tried a few bites (Yes, I'm pregnant and I ate 2 bites of raw fish. Someone call social services.) and it tasted better than the run of the mill sushi restaurants dotted here and there all over Omaha. Which isn't saying a whole lot, really. In my opinion there's only one really good sushi place in Omaha that's worth dropping $75 at. Aside from special recipe items that most other places have, it is all the same. And it's all overpriced. But I digress.

The point here is that I got to thinking about my cooking lesson and Tex Wasabi and I'm pretty sure I can do this at home. Matt and I are going to make our own faux sushi dinner Friday night. No raw fish consumption this time though. I'll wait until I'm not pregnant to give myself food poisoning. Here's the proposed menu:

shrimp spring rolls
crab rangoon rolls
spicy veggie rolls
BBQ pork and slaw rolls
orange chicken teriyaki rolls

I'm guessing there's going to be a lot of leftovers...

New Dinnerware Wish List

2010-06-04T13:13:00.001-07:00

Am I allowed to add new dinnerware to the baby registry? What if the baby wants to throw a dinner party?

Patio Spaces and Home Buying

2010-06-02T11:31:00.001-07:00

It's been exceptionally nice out lately and I'm itching to spend more time outside. However, our bare concrete patio and rickety deck/lawsuit-in-the-making are less than inviting on a sunny Saturday afternoon. My dissatisfaction with our outdoor living area is only compounded when I find dozens of photos like these in my blog reader:

Don't you want to be wherever it is that patio exists?

And speaking of patios, check out this article about the cost of outdoor space in New York City. Yowza!

Prior to buying our house I couldn't have cared less about finding a home with outdoor living space. But now? After living in this house longer than I've lived anywhere other than my parent's place, I can't stop thinking, What were we thinking buying a house without a covered patio space! What fools we are!

It's so funny that owning a house makes me want to own a better house. It's beyond counterintuitive. Matt and I bust our asses to be able to pay the mortgage every month, but for some reason this house just isn't good enough. I want more. I want a better house with a higher mortgage! I want something in excess of what I need simply because I want it! I'm such a... what's the word... Oh, right. I'm such an American.

Way back in good old 2007, Matt and I were living in a crap hole rental with two other guys. (Only one of the four of us ever cleaned. I'll let you guess who that was.) We ended up engaged and really wanted to put our renting days behind us. We lived in mid-town and had high hopes of staying in the area. Little did we realize that our budget would only afford us a different crap hole if we stayed in the neighborhood. These houses we looked at were bad. The decent looking ones were tiny, and the sizable ones were just all around icky. Since we were already at the top of our budget, there was no money left for renovations if we bought one of the baddies. We found one that we liked that was cheaper than cheap at $95K. It was really cute, but it was parked right next to four shady apartment buildings. Bummer.

(Keep in mind all this was happening about six months prior to the bottom falling out of the housing market. If we'd held off for a year we could have bought a nice house in the neighborhood for less than our budget.)

After about 30 houses we ended up looking at places out of our desired area, gradually easing our way west until we hit 90th street. One day I just happened to see a house posted that was within our budget and that was newly remodeled on the inside. At this point our list of priorities was:

1. Three bedrooms
2. Clean and updated
3. No large brick buildings next door
4. Will we be able to resell it

We bought it and we love it. Not very many people make their first home their "forever home" and we daydream about what we want next time around. The list is extensive. And it keeps getting longer. In the last six months we've gone from family of two to family of three, plus an in-home studio for work. "More than enough space," has been reduced to "Adequate for the next three or four years." It's kind of scary that life is happening this fast.

Maternity Swimsuits

2010-06-01T14:40:00.001-07:00

As if swimsuit shopping wasn't horrible enough already, I have now entered the world of maternity swimwear. And maternity swimwear is hilariously bad. It's either just a basic bikini or a giant spandex monstrosity. You get the option of letting it all hang out (and pray you don't get stretch marks) -or- cover it up with some sort of black old-timey bathing suit like your grandma wore in 1930. You know, because black is slimming when you're packing an extra 35 pounds.

And then I found this:

I am a huge fan of this swimsuit. It's really just a big giant top that looks like a dress with some bikini bottoms hidden underneath, but it covers some key areas of concern for me:

-Won't make me look like I'm 45
-Will cover my tummy
-Will cover my non-tannable, chubby "with child" bottom from public view

I just need to order this, do about 10,000 lunges and then I'll be all set for summer.

Week 18

2010-06-01T07:20:00.000-07:00

Week 18 is here. My list of pregnancy complaints has been whittled down to one large and serious complaint:

Three day holiday weekends without booze are boring. (Although the lack of hangovers is kind of nice.)

But on the upside, this last week I discovered a really awesome pregnancy perk. Everyone I know has been telling me how cute I look pregnant! I don't think it's so much a reflection of the way I really look, because I'm dressing myself and doing my hair and makeup the same way I always do. (Which is sloppy and in a constant rush.) I think it's more of a reflection of the way people view pregnant women. Like, "OMG you're not fat and sloppy! You look SO GOOD!"

I went to a small party Friday night and a friend I don't see too often was essentially saying that he thinks it's great that I'm not "letting myself go" during pregnancy. He didn't use those exact words, he's much more tactful than that. But that was the paraphrased version of the compliment. Someone else said that I'm taking a very "European" approach to pregnancy. Chic dresses, heels, going out at night.

WTF are these people talking about?

I'm putting approximately 2% more effort into getting ready everyday. That's it. I'm not following some magical pregnant lady routine to keep myself fresh and cheery while carrying around a fetus. This is essentially the way I always look (minus pants because I can't fit into any of mine), however, never before have I received so many compliments. This leads me to the conclusion that the effort I put into my pre-knockedup appearance is considered subpar for a non-pregnant woman and is thus completely unremarkable.

Thanks, society.

I'm hoping that the transition from "pregnant" to "new mom" garners me as many compliments. In theory, it should. If the bar is lowered from non-pregnant to pregnant, then it should be lowered to the floor for new moms. If I can slap on some mascara and put on a bra every morning it will hopefully blow peoples' minds into telling me how amazing I look for just having a baby. If all goes well, I can hopefully ride that wave of illusion into age 30, at which point people will be astounded that I'm the mother of a toddler.

Can I keep this going until my child is in high school? Maybe even for the rest of my life?

But what if the reverse happens and my normal sloppy morning routine is now seen as an indication that I completely lost my shit as a mother? Instead of "OMG, SO GOOD!" will I now look like a haggard soccer mom? Crap. I'm going to have to get extensions and start hitting up the MAC counter, aren't I?

Found It!

2010-05-21T13:53:00.001-07:00

I went to the last maternity store in Omaha to look for clothes. And by "last" I mean "second of two." It was a failure. Everything was cute but so expensive. Tank tops were $60 and the cheapest pair of jeans was $105.

But then last night I found where all the cute, affordable maternity clothes are hiding.

Europe.

I came across the UK clothing website ASOS and wouldn't ya know, they sell maternity clothes. Plus, they have an online clearance outlet with clothes starting at $5! I bought three tops and after shipping only spent $46.

Overstock.com also has some pretty affordable maternity clothes. They have jeans and tops starting at $20. I grabbed a green dress, capris and a pair of jeans that were originally $180! Who on earth besides a Spice Girl would spend $180 on maternity jeans? That's insane.

Assuming everything fits, I think I might be set for the second trimester. Which is a good feeling. I think Matt is getting tired of seeing me in pajama pants and Rolling Stone t-shirts every day.

Week 16

2010-05-20T09:15:00.001-07:00

I feel that as a woman, I'm pretty maternal and caring. I'm looking forward to bath times, bedtime stories, baking, art and crafts... But oh my god, pregnancy kinda sucks. I am officially not a fan. I really can't wait to finish growing this baby and meet who it is and start living our lives together. But I also cannot wait to be able to reclaim my body as my own.

It's week 16, let's recap what's happening in my exciting life:

I am dying for a drink. Beer, margarita, wine, $6 jug of vodka... whatever. I want it.

I am also dying for a runny plate of eggs benedict with a side of sushi.

I tried to buy a cheap pair of "outgrow em in 8 weeks" jeans from a junior's department but failed. I got up to a size 11 and still couldn't get them to button. Teenagers are bastards.

For the life of me I can't stay up late enough to watch an entire episode of Top Chef. Ahem, Top Chef is on at 9:00.

WHY IS MY ASS GETTING SO BIG!

GIVE ME NACHOS! (Oh, that's why...)

I have to get up twice a night to pee.

One night I dreamt that I put my baby in a kitchen cabinet so I could go to work. I came home and it was completely covered in poop and starving. I kind of had an "Oh, riiiiiight," moment where I remembered that you can't store your baby in the kitchen while you work.

But on the plus side...

There is a teeny tiny person living inside of me and I can feel it moving around! And I get to find out the sex some time in the next four weeks. So it's not all bad, despite the complaining.

Mo Money Mo Problems

2010-05-20T08:52:00.000-07:00

I am a money panic worry freak spaz. Money, bills and budgeting scares the shit out of me. I worry about it constantly and I'm not even sure why. We pay all our bills every month. I have some money in a savings account. Our credit card balance is pretty low. Yet, I break into a cold sweat every month when I have to pay bills.

In 2009 we paid off a loan Matt had out and at the end of 2010 our credit cards will be paid off. In all respects we're better off financially now than we've since we got married. We have money to eat out once a week and money to take trips to Target, so we're certainly not struggling. But I don't feel that we have that financial cushion beneath us that we should have at this point. (And by "this point" I mean "FUUUUUCK I'M 4 MONTHS PREGNANT!!!") We don't end up with an extra $200 or $300 in our checking accounts at the end of each month. But does anyone really?

We're pretty sure that 2011 is going to be better financially, yet again. Matt is probably going to get booked more with his show and might be hired on as a bass player for a second touring show. I already have a handful of weddings booked next Spring guaranteeing me a second income for part of the year. Pretty much all of the money I made off of photography this year went back into the business to pay off my gear. Next year I don't foresee any big expenses like that so hopefully I'll be able to make actual income off my weddings. Realistically, I shouldn't be panicking about this stuff. I can't stop myself from it though. It's compulsive and I'm guessing hereditary. This family is chalk full of folks with stress disorders.

I keep looking ahead to having a baby and it seriously scares the financial shit out of me. I'm incredibly lucky to work for a company that has a pediatric health division so all pediatric care is free for my child if I use company doctors. Which I fully intend to. Okay, deep breath there. That makes me feel a little better. Formula is super expensive so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my already giant boobs will serve their purpose (not the purpose of being there for my husband to stare at) for a few months and willfully feed my baby. Another deep breath right there.

Then there's the mountain of diapers that we're going to have to buy. There's no way that I know of to stop your kid from peeing and pooping so diapers are a nonnegotiable. I broached the topic of cloth diapers to Matt as a means to save money but he wasn't having it. Plus, I don't understand the mechanics behind (1) how they don't leak everywhere and (2) how you wash them without getting fecal reside inside your washing machine and (3) what you do when your kid poops in a public place. I mean seriously, you're supposed to put the poopy diaper inside a baggie and carry it around until you get home? Is that a joke? So, maybe $100 a month for diapers. Not the end of the world.

That leaves daycare to figure out. If bookings go well for Matt he could potentially quit his 8-5 job and just tour one or two weeks a month. Instead of full-time daycare we would have to find part-time daycare which is likely even more expensive if that makes any sense. I don't even know how to FIND part-time daycare. I'm guessing it's going to run at least $200 a week for an infant though. $200 a week to feed and change a lump of baby that doesn't move. Does it make sense? No. Do I still have to pay for it? Yes.

It all boils down to one of the biggest stressors I feel, which is not having enough in savings. I wish I could turn back time and live at home for my first year post college and save that $20,000 salary. It would feel so amazing to have a large sum of money like that in savings, just sitting there. I think that would alleviate a lot of my fears regarding unexpected expenses and emergencies.

I guess the bottom line is that I worry about money. All. The. Time. When perhaps I shouldn't. We survived a job loss, a pay cut, 2 busted wheels and 5 new tires, and a vacation to California and came out the other side without any problems. I'm sure we will be just fine.

Whoa. Really?

2010-05-17T09:34:00.000-07:00

Suspend Hers: In case you need to hold up your giant pants, or hold down your creeping bra. I pray that I do not ever need to own one of these.

Homemade Drain Cleaner

2010-05-16T08:10:00.000-07:00

Our bathroom sink drain is always backing up. Usually one of us will buy a jug of Draino and get the job done. I'm a little afraid of Draino these days though. I'd rather not breathe in whatever harmful baby poison that crap is made of. So, I made some myself. And it worked!!!

Dump 1/2 a cup of baking soda down the drain, followed by 1/2 a cup of white vinegar. Once the vinegar is done fizzing, follow it up with hot water. It dissolves the soap buildup and (in my case) released the giant hair clog that was caught in the soap and pushed it up and out of the drain. It was... gross. But now I have a clear drain. And I didn't poison myself in the process.

I don't think this will work on completely clogged drains, but it apparently works great as a preventative drain cleaner.

15 Weeks and New Furniture

2010-05-10T08:06:00.001-07:00

Welcome to pregnancy, week 15. It is much like pregnancy weeks 12-14, but with a slightly bigger ass. My weight hasn't really changed since I was 18. Sure, there was that period freshman year of college where Smirnoff Ice and Runza took it's temporary toll, but other than that I haven't gained this much weight... ever.

Yes, I'm pregnant. Yes, this is supposed to be happening. But my god it is bizarre. I think I've gained somewhere between 6 and 8 pounds so far. (I didn't have a scale pre-pregnancy so I'm just guessing based on what I *think* I weighed before.) According to baby charts that's pretty on track with what I should be gaining... but it's still weird. I put on an old pair of jeans and a tee yesterday for lunch with my husband's family and I looked like a sausage about to burst from it's casing.

Jeans are officially sidelined for the time being.

The strangest thing about pregnancy weight-gain is (obviously) that it's not evenly dispersed. It all piles up in certain areas. The butt is a little bigger, the tummy is bulging, and the boobs have no place left to go.

Obvious statement of the year: Pregnancy makes you feel so round!

In other news, we had some bedroom furniture delivered this weekend and the bedroom looks so fucking nice now! It looks like mature, responsible adults live in it. Unfortunately though, the nursery is still an office, and the studio is still a room full of crap. Those rooms are a package deal though. They both need to be emptied and rearranged at the same time. And that time was not this past weekend. Hopefully we can manage to get it done this week because my studio gear is being delivered today and I can't wait to get it set up and find some babies to photograph!

The Paper Debate

2010-04-26T08:48:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to make some effort to be a little greener around the house. I do some small things like buying CFLs for open fixtures. I placed a big bowl of dish towels on the counter to reach for before the paper towels. This really works by the way. We've cut down immensely on the number of paper towels we use in the house. I bought some Mrs. Meyers last time I needed cleaning supplies. (I know it's better to just make my own but I like the fancy stuff that comes in the pretty packaging. And I'm lazy.)

I know that my efforts aren't noble and I'm certainly not saving the planet single handedly, but even the little gestures count, right? Right. Which is why this product completely blows my mind: Kleenex Hand Towels.

Is Kleenex really advocating that we use paper towel dispensers in our homes? I find that so... against the grain, even for a company that only makes disposable products. It wreaks of an attempt to grab attention and a slipping market away from the green alternatives that are popping up everywhere. Couldn't they have come up with something a little more clever and useful than a paper towel dispenser?

And on the opposite side of the green spectrum, here's an article about using cloth towels to wipe your butt: Family Cloth: Non-Paper Toilet Paper

Dressing Myself - A Daily Challenge

2010-04-21T14:02:00.000-07:00

Finding clothes to wear is becoming an everyday challenge. My pants do not button so I'm rockin a belly band. My skirts all make my growing ass look a little too bodacious. Most of my dresses require that I have a waistline. My regular tees are now belly tees (and not the sexy kind of belly tees either).

Sigh.

I've only bought a few new things so far. A couple cheapo tops and then a nice Anthro dress and some Gap boyfriend jeans that are a size too big. The dress is awesome because it has an extra little V of fabric in the front that expands and the jeans are awesome because they're jeans and they button. I had them on last weekend with a pair of fancy heels, a ruffled tank and a long pearl necklace and the only thing I could think about while looking at my outfit was the Sex and the City movie. Then I went and changed. But my point is that both the dress and the jeans will still be nice to have once I'm done gestating this kid, therefore I didn't worry about spending money on them.

But that brings me to my major beef with maternity stores. They're way overpriced and a lot of the stuff they sell is... not in good taste. (Someone please fucking shoot me.) A Pea in the Pod has nice stuff, but if I wasn't going to pay $279 for a pair or jeans before, I'm sure as hell not going to now. So I thought to myself, where do the broke chicks on 16 and Pregnant shop for maternity clothes? Ahh, Forever 21! They have good stuff there! I checked it out online and where better to buy tunics and big butt skirts I'll never want to look at again after October? I can get an entire 2nd trimester wardrobe from that store for like $99!

I'm going out of order here, but you know what else is really funny about 16 and Pregnant other than the entire concept of that show? The fact that these girls claim to their baby daddies that they couldn't work for nine months because they were pregnant. Really? Are you serious? You couldn't stand behind a McDonald's counter for the last nine months because OMG you were pregnant and couldn't remain vertical for three hours after school? Whatever. If there's anything positive to say about teen pregnancy it's that those girls' bodies are prime for carrying babies. I doubt a lot of them really have issues with being able to work typical teenage jobs. Plus none of them get that fat and then they're all hot again six weeks postpartum.

Judgment over.

AHHHHHHHH!!!

2010-04-20T07:53:00.000-07:00

I had a bit of a nesting freak out this past weekend.

I think I turned the corner into the second trimester. My morning sickness is gone. (Hooray for not wanting to die every day!) I'm not nearly as tired as I was at the beginning. And what I think can be described as "nesting" is in full force. But maybe after you see these pictures of my secret bedrooms you'll just think that I finally snapped and couldn't stand living in a hoarder house anymore.

There are two rooms in our house that are off limits to anyone besides me and my husband... for very good reason. Behold, my office and the spare bedroom:

AHHHHHHH!

This is the reality of our home. Even Ringo is disappointed with us!

The office needed to be cleaned out for the baby's room, and the spare needed to be cleaned out for my new studio/workspace. We're having new bedroom furniture delivered on May 8th (for us not the baby - we're selfish like that) so the goal is to have all the rooms cleaned out and in order by that time. Then, we'll have a space to start stocking up the baby's stuff and I'll have my little studio in order for Spring and Summer baby sessions.

So, whether you call it nesting or just cleaning, I went to work. I cannot stand junk and nicknacks and stacks of papers. They drive me insane. I had to purge, purge, purge our house. We have three full trash cans and an enormous pile of Goodwill stuff in the garage. I'm not completely done yet, maybe about 80% of the way there. Those rooms look so much better than they do in the photos above though.

The best part of all though, is that I feel so much lighter. It's amazing how physical crap can weigh you down like that! I dream of having a well organized and spacious home. I want to make the most of the space we have available and I wasn't doing that by allowing a decade's worth of garbage to fill up our spare living space. I don't want to be ashamed to let people see my office! I don't want to be ashamed to let a guest open my coat closet! I want serenity and a light, airy home. Until we have the baby at least.

To Bed or Not to Bed

2010-04-12T11:37:00.000-07:00

Is $798 too much to pay for a silver pleather headboard? Or perhaps a better question would be, is any amount of money too much for a silver pleather headboard? Because I think it's priceless.

I'm beginning to have a bit of an issue with the fact that I'm going to buy a $400 crib for my baby yet Matt and I, two grown adults, have never invested in a bed for ourselves. Sure, we have a mattress set but it's currently sitting on a $30 metal bed frame. And even that is an upgrade from my mattress-on-the-floor single living situation.

Mattress on the floor = A safer distance to fall when you're drunk

But is a nice bed really something we need? Or is it like the Kindle, 40 inch TV and patio loungers? Completely unnecessary but brings me expensively acquired joy. It just feels like something we should have. Parents sleep on real beds. They don't sleep on dorm furniture. Unless they're actually in college. In which case, good luck with that.

Lust List

2010-04-07T09:13:00.001-07:00

While I decide what I want to eat for lunch (Pepperjax is in the lead), here are some links to things that I'm lusting over today.

An Italian Grilled Cheese Sandwich from Tasty Kitchen. I think this might be my dinner. I'm all about sandwiches right now. I eat at least one a day, sometimes three. Give me a break, they're small. I like to eat cold chicken and turkey on dinner rolls. It reminds me of Thanksgiving leftovers.

Apartment Therapy - Fitting a Home Office in Your Small Space. I'm especially loving the first one with the desk in the closet. Matt and I are facing the task of cleaning out a lot of crap in our house to make room for another person. I love cute, easily DIY ideas like tucking an office into a closet. I could definitely reduce my entire office to a couple shelves, a filing cabinet and my Mac - leaving lots of play room for this child that I will eventually give birth to.

Also in that same vein, I'm looking into bedroom closet storage units like this sleek one from Lowe's.

And I'm IN LOVE with these two Victor dressers from Hayneedle. But at $1000+ they'll probably stay in the "lust" not "own" department of my life. Especially since, OH RIGHT, I'm having a baby and babies are expensive. Right, right. I keep forgetting that. I can't spend that $1000 on a dresser because I need that money to buy lots of diapers for my kid to poop in.

Hello, Meat!

2010-03-29T08:30:00.001-07:00

Pregnant Christine and Non-meat Eating Christine could not exist together in one body. I caved into meat (specifically bacon) around week six into the baby growing process.

What started out as a 4 week experiment turned into a 128 day lifestyle challenge. And it was going great.

Until the "morning" sickness hit.

During week four I was feeling great, tempting fate, and believing that superior baby-carrying genes from my mother (a woman who should teach classes on being a Midwestern super mom) made me impervious to morning sickness. In fact, I didn't totally believe in morning sickness. I started to think it was some crazy rumor that women perpetuated for access to unlimited spousal sympathy and ungodly amounts of ice cream. But oh, how I was mistaken.

Before getting knocked up my meal favorites were always beans, green things and eggs. Matt was out of town so I went to the grocery store and stocked up on all my favorites. YUMMY! About two days after buying it all, my hormones lurched into overdrive and even opening the fridge made me gag. LITERALLY. The smell of leafy greens is, at this point in my life, the worst smell in the world. I had bags of lettuce, celery, spinach, spinach dip and spinach wraps. Opening the fridge released it all into the kitchen and made me want to barf. And lets not talk about the beans and eggs. My throat closes up at the thought of it all.

It all went into the trash, untouched. There was no time to feel guilty over throwing out all that fresh, perfectly fine food. It. Needed. To. Go.

In the meantime, I couldn't stop thinking about fried chicken. None of this was looking good for the non-meaty challenge. For a week all I ate was some combination of cheese and carbs.

Mac and cheese
Cheese bread
Cheese quesadilla
Cheese pizza

Meat needed to come back. I neeeeeeeeeded it. I completely understand that it is possible for ladies to have wonderful, healthy pregnancies on vegetarian diets. But I'm not one of those ladies. I needed bacon, chicken and hotdogs. And now that I'm eating it again I feel like I'm having an easier time balancing my meals. Not having those gag-inducing items at the center of my plate makes it easier to stomach them. I still have a major issue with leafy green things but I'm finding other vegetables that I can stand.

I still think that animal production is bad the the environment and bad for our health. I still think the way meat is processed is alarming and disgusting. I feel bad about eating it, but I'm eating it. You can judge accordingly.

Big News

2010-03-25T08:12:00.001-07:00

It has been FOREVER since I wrote on here for one very specific reason. The one and only complete thought that I have been capable of mustering for the past month is: Holy hell, I'm pregnant. But I wasn't sure if I wanted to blog about it. I am becoming less and less a fan of blogging. I love other people's blogs, I'm just tired of my own. Plus, after almost two years of doing this I'm not famous yet, so really, what's the point of continuing?

I decided though that I might as well write about it. If nothing else, it gives me an outlet where people can voluntarily read about the ongoing state of my uterus. I have an issue with posting constant ute updates on Facebook. No one cares. No one. I'm a pregnant woman and I don't even care about other random preggos' fetus updates. If I'm not a prime audience for that, then who is? I like the idea of putting it all in one place where people can see it, or not. Their choice.

Moving on...

So far I think my pregnancy is pretty typical. I've had a couple doctor's appointments so far and it all looks normal. The fetus was a grey blob last time I saw it, roughly the shape of a kidney bean. It had a flickering little heartbeat. Weird. I don't like calling it a baby yet. Because it's not. It's a kidney bean with a heartbeat, not a baby. We've nicknamed it Huckleberry Hound or sometimes just Hound for short. Much like the way we refer to the dog. (I already feel bad for the ways we are going to mentally damage this child.) We tell Ringo, "There's a new hound on the way, better get used to it." But I don't think he fully grasps the baby concept yet. What did I really expect from a creature who eats his own poop for snacks?

So far this process is at once extremely exciting and extremely terrifying. The pregnancy was a little, shall we say... unexpected. Turns out when you're drunk and you tell your husband, "I'm 99.9% sure I'm not going to get pregnant on this particular day, so go ahead and hit it without a condom," it is very unlikely that he will argue with you. And P.S. you can be very wrong about those odds.

Movie Binge

2010-02-16T08:04:00.001-08:00

Matt and I have been on a movie binge the last couple of weeks. Chalk it up to the weather, being completely bored, and completely tired of going out and spending money. We have watched:

(500) Days of Summer
Paranormal Activity
It Might Get Loud
Dexter Season 1 (about half way through)
March of the Penguins
Pan's Labyrinth

I would recommend all of the above, except maybe Paranormal Activity. It's a great movie if you love being so creeped out by your house that you force your husband to stand outside the bathroom door while you pee. But if that's not your style, I would suggest skipping it.

(500) Days of Summer is definitely one of my new favorite movies. Can we talk for a minute about how adorable Zooey Deschanel is? She is my style crush. Her wardrobes are worth committing crimes for. The blue coat she wore in Yes Man was ahhhhmazing.

This girl found a picture of it. She knows what I'm talking about. There's a really close one from Calvin Klein at Dillard's. Swap out the buttons with something flashier and you too could have a Zooey coat.

I wish I could have a focused sense of style like that. Jen and I were discussing the topic a couple of weeks ago. Most days I struggle to make it out of the house on time and I don't think about what I'm wearing. I also work in the basement of an office building with 40 IT guys, so I don't think any effort I make would be noticed. (Some chick from upstairs did call me "The Girl With The Cute Hair" one day so that made me feel good especially considering I'm seven weeks out from my last hair cut and dye job.)

But back to the movies... after looking at coats, everyone should go look up It Might Get Loud. Great movie. Technically, it's a documentary. But please, don't let that scare you.

Year of Goals - #8

2010-02-08T11:38:00.000-08:00

Make a summertime wreath.

I'm am kicking ass so far with that list I made!

This was easy and cheap. I used a $2 straw wreath from Hobby Lobby (shrink wrap still on) and wrapped it up with some houndtooth Christmas ribbon. I hot-glued on some Princess Lasertron inspired felt flowers, hung up with a piece of thin ribbon, and bam! A wreath! I already had the stuff for flowers so I think I invested a total of $6 into this project.

And it looks like it's worth at least $8.

Year of Goals - #24

2010-01-28T07:10:00.000-08:00

Reduce my book collection to only my favorites.

I love buying books. But after a while it starts to be a problem...

Both of my book cases are full and I don't exactly have room for a third.

Books are your friend until you need to move. I've moved my books to three different homes and the thought of moving them again in the future is terrifying. Last time they took up an entire car load on their own.

Some of them I bought in high school when my tastes in literature were a little... experimental.

I tell myself that I'll read them more than once but in 10 years I've never found the time to reread anything.

I want a Kindle but they're expensive. Selling books is a good way to fund one. :) Have you seen these things? I was soooo against them until about a week ago. I thought that digital books were a sin. But then I saw my sister-in-law's and I fell in love with it. The screen doesn't look like a regular screen. The "pages" look like scanned in book pages so they're easy on the eyes. There's also no glare on them.

Matt and I did the same thing with our CD collections a couple years ago. We saved our favorites then dumped everything into iTunes and sold the discs to Homer's. It was such a good decision. Getting rid of such a huge pile of stuff is freeing. I'm very anti-stuff these days. I like to decorate and furnish my home, but the collections and closets and drawers full of junk is so annoying. Purge! Purge I say!

California Trip, Part 1

2010-01-27T13:46:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I visited California with Matt and some friends/family. We also visited 1600 miles of I-80 along the way. Holy. Hell. Four of the five people I went out there with are in a show that was touring California, thus the reason for the trip. And thus the reason for driving.

Have I ever mentioned that I get car sick? Because I do. Right around hour 16 I thought I was going to lose my mind. I didn't take friends' advice and get a motion sick arm band thingy before we left. It turned out to be a big mistake. Driving through the mountains was incredible though, despite the head spinning and gut churning. It is so very beautiful. The complete opposite of what I see on a daily basis at home in Nebraska.

Our first stop in California was San Francisco. We did a lot of the usual stuff. We ate at Taqueria La Cumbre, home of the Mission style burrito. I gorged myself on seafood. I drank so much coffee I returned home with my caffeine addiction at Threat Level: Orange.

We visited Haight-Ashbury, which was a less than wise decision. There are some really great stores in that neighborhood. I found an awesome t-shirt boutique, Loyal Army, where I bought several things. I also had my husband buy me a ridiculously overpriced belated Christmas present. Everybody, I'd like to introduce you to my Orla Kiely purse. Orla Kiely purse, this is everybody.

It rained a lot which sort of sucked. Considering it was -27° in Omaha the week before we left, a little rain was tolerable.

We also decided to go out to Alcatraz. So, after two days in a car, then two days of driving around a freakin hilly city in the back of a Tahoe, I got on a boat. I have never in my life put so much effort into not puking. I was looking at some pictures I took from the ferry and just thinking about it again made me nauseous.

But it was pretty once we got there.

And creepy.

I'll continue the post tomorrow... Too much bloggy for one day.

Blog Love - Part Deux!

2010-01-25T08:28:00.000-08:00

And in other news...

Some friends and I were baking around the holidays, got a little high off the sugar, and started using a cookie press to ice cupcakes. It started out as a joke... but got picked up by Cupcakes Take the Cake.

Check out Sarah's Cuppitycakes Cupcakery blog. She's a bonefide professional cupcake maker. Jealous? I am!

Also, some of my wedding photos got picked up over at Bride Tide. Apparently, I was on to something with the plaid wedding dress. Who would have known? I'd like to take credit for being a trendy bride, but really my dress designer found the fabric on the clearance table for $2 a yard. We both liked it and went for it since she needed a bazillion yards to make the skirt.

Blog Love!

2010-01-25T08:22:00.000-08:00

My striped wall ended up on Desire to Inspire this weekend!

Year of Goals - #3

2010-01-22T09:45:00.000-08:00

I took a class at Whole Foods about "vegetarian cooking for the former meat-lover." It was fun and informative. And full of serious protein which may or may not be a good thing, depending on how you look at it.

I learned how to cook seitan. Seitan is basically pure wheat gluten. You wash a hank of flour dough until all the starch disappears and you're left with a hunk of gluten. Yummy, no? We made mock Asian BBQ beef. It was really, really good. Seitan is a pretty convincing faux meat. But easy does it - all that protein, remember?

I also learned pointers on cooking tofu. Tofu in restaurants is always good but at home I've never been able to make it taste good. Because I was cooking it wrong, come to find out. If you're going to fry it or sauté it or marinate it you first need to soak out all the excess water. Sort of like eggplant. (Something else that never tastes good at home.)

The third main dish we made was a little... different. We made meatloaf out of lentils. I love meatloaf but I did not love the "meatloaf" we made in the class. I understand the basic concept behind making it and I think I could come up with my own recipe for it.

All in all, it was extremely informative and well worth the $25 registration fee. I would recommend it to anyone, not just folks who don't eat meat.

A Little Bit of Heart Pouring for You Today

2010-01-13T09:40:00.000-08:00

Warning: There's a little bit of a high horse in this post. And I am up on it.

A very wonderful friend gave me the photography book Annie Leibovitz: American Music for Christmas and it is probably my most favorite gift I received this year. (I feel like a jerk though because she was like, "Hey here's your incredibly thoughtful Christmas gift - a book of photography by one of your all time favorite artists," and I was all, "Thanks, I bought you a small purse because I know you like small purses.")

So, I love this book. I practically cry over it. I study it. I carry it around the house with me and flip through it when I have spare minutes. It's ridiculous. I'm so in love.

I read a lot of photography blogs and forums. I've bookmarked things that are inspiring, different, simply freaking amazing. Lots of things that make me go, "HOW THE HELL DO THEY DO THAT!!!" Then there are a few forums that discuss some topics relevant to new photographers. A lot of it is informative, but some of it is not. And it's not only not informative, but it's unhelpful to the point of being downright destructive. I think we're all aware that people aren't particularly nice on the internet when they're shrouded behind the veil of anonymous commenting. Under the ruse of "constructive criticism" people can be harsh. Frequently, these forums all start to elicit a specific aesthetic and work not fitting the aesthetic gets commented on rather unfairly. I don't really understand the point of that. Dozens of people who want to stand out yet want their work to look like everyone else's?

While flipping through my book, you know what I noticed? A lot of the photos in the book aren't really "technically perfect" by the standards that some of these forums uphold in their criticisms. The focus isn't always on the eyes, the backgrounds are messy, the faces are underexposed... I mean, dozens and dozens of these photographers in forums are so worried about OMG TECHNICAL JARGON DON'T SHOOT IN AUTO OR YOU WILL DIE that I think they're missing the point. Is your photo engaging? Is it beautiful? Do the people who matter, like it? Okay, then who gives a fuck if it's 100% technically dead on.

Great artists and respected innovators don't draw the attention of the masses by following the rules. They don't accomplish something groundbreaking by fear of doing something wrong. You get what I'm saying?

If a photographer is constantly worried about the opinions of 120 other photographers, how will they ever develop a style and vision that is truly their own? You don't get anywhere in life by wanting to impress people. That's just vanity and vanity is hardly ever motivation enough.

I read an article once about exercise that pertains to this line of thought. A personal trainer said that people always come to him and say that they want the body of a dancer. And he tells them that dancers look like that because they're really dancers. They devote their lives to a craft and their physical condition is a result of that. They didn't wake up one day thinking, "I want a hot body. I should become a dancer." They're just dancers, that's who they are.

I feel that way about what I'm doing. I didn't set out with the thought that I want my photos to look like a professional's photos. I thought, "I want to be a professional photographer." There's a distinction. Maybe I didn't convey it clearly in text but hopefully you understand what I'm saying. Wanting something that someone else has isn't going to get it for you. You have to get past the vanity or the envy or the greed and really find your motivation as to why you want to accomplish something for yourself and no one else. I want to work, I want to grow, I want to make mistakes in this life. I'm willing to put in the work because my soul is telling me there's no other option for me. This is it. I need to have it.

I think Ms. Leibovitz felt that way too. She must have because you can feel it in the photos. (She must have felt like she needed a LOT of things because I think she's bankrupt right now despite earning millions. Ooops.)

Year of Goals - #4

2010-01-04T08:42:00.000-08:00

Goal #4 - Unsubscribe to all the crap emails I get.

I think I have successfully given the old heave-ho to about 90% of my junk email. I used to wake up with 20 new emails every morning but lately I've only been getting about two.

I obviously started with the easiest goal on the list, but hey. Still counts. I have to work my way up to some of the bigger ones.

Today was my first workday of 2010 and it did not start off on a good note. My car wouldn't start. Then there was a flipped truck blocking the on-ramp to the express way. I was 30 minutes late. Matt was 45. I'm convinced that I somehow pulled a muscle in my sternum while shoveling. Either that or I'm dying of extreme heartburn.

Oh ya, the snow. Let's not forget to mention the most recent snow fall. I'm seriously running out of space to pile up the snow. It's about four feet deep all the way around the driveway and lining the sidewalks. I thought I was just being a pussy complaining about all the snow but it turns out that we're currently buried under more snow than we've had in 60 years. Way to go, Nebraska. Every morning Matt and I wake up, take a look outside, turn to each other and say, "Why are we still living here?" I am greatly looking forward to an upcoming trip to California. I am going to hug the ground when I see it. I haven't seen mine in 6 weeks.

And just so you don't think this is a complete Negative Nelly post, I did rock my weekend by watching Lord of the Rings parts one and two. Best seven hours of my Sunday. Part three is waiting for me on the DVR. I am so in love with those movies. And as if that wasn't enough, I also watched the newest Harry Potter on bluray bitches! It was pretty great. I swear.

27 Goals for 2010

2009-12-30T08:05:00.000-08:00

In the style of everyone else who made one of these lists, here's my list of 27 goals for my upcoming 27th year:

1. Blog once a week
2. Do some semi-major work on the house
~~3. Investigate alternative proteins at Whole Foods~~
~~4. Unsubscribe to all the crap emails I get (15 down, about 1000 to go)~~
5. Sort out the storage disaster happening in the laundry room
6. Try to learn the basics of a foreign language
7. Take pictures for fun
~~8. Make a summertime wreath~~
9. Make a headboard

Wow. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Umm...

10. Use my stove top espresso pot
11. Use the vegetable steamer
12. Cook vegetable curry without burning everything
13. Buy a new flash
14. Read one book a month
15. Really mop (not Swiffer mop) every room in the house
16. Run a 1/2 marathon in the Spring
17. And again in the Fall
18. Hike some sort of mountain in Colorado
19. Visit the Stanley
20. Take pictures of all my nieces and nephews on their birthdays
21. Buy a button maker and make buttons
22. Drink more green tea
23. Finally clean my office
~~24. Reduce my book collection to only my favorites~~
25. Be a vendor at a bridal show
26. Throw a dinner party
27. Sell a bunch of my vintage clothes on Etsy

Real Estate Doesn't Make Sense

2009-12-17T11:48:00.000-08:00

Real Estate in Omaha just doesn't make any sense to me. Look at this house.

8300 square feet
7 bedrooms
Historic landmark home

$289K

Excuse me? What?

And Now I Want a Shed for Christmas

2009-12-17T06:46:00.000-08:00

I just saw this awesome shed on Design*Sponge and now I want one. Can't Santa just tie one to the back of the sled and drop it off?

Right now we have a nasty ass shed in our backyard that's currently housing spiders, a pile of fertilizer and an old computer monitor - courtesy of the former owners. I would love to have a studio or a little office back there. It would free up a lot of room in the house. Currently we don't really need the space, but in the future we plan to spawn and I hear kids take up a lot of room. I mean, I'm all for putting a crib in the spare bedroom with the book shelves, unused furniture and piles of clothes but I think it would be nice for our future children to have actual bedrooms.

I Feel Like an A-Hole

2009-12-15T20:08:00.000-08:00

I experienced my first dining out meat trauma tonight. Matt and I went out to dinner with my family for our annual pre-Christmas family night out. We went with Mexican. Safe choice, right? Err. Ya.

I ordered a bean burrito and about five bites into it I came face-to-food with a pile of ground beef. I had my sister look at it to make sure I wasn't hallucinating beef, and sure enough. Beef burrito. I flagged down the waitress and told her I couldn't eat the beef burrito. I didn't say, "I don't eat meat" or "I'm a vegetarian." I just said, "This is beef and I can't eat it." She apologized and took it back. But I felt like a giant asshole. I sent food back. I hate sending food back.

She came back with a true bean burrito but I was too freaked out to eat it. Plus, I suspected that the beans weren't vegetarian. They were way too good. I took a few bites then passed it on to my sister to take home. I instead ate the remainder of my nephews cheese pizza. Yes, in Nebraska you can get pizza at Mexican restaurants. Don't ask me why.

Am I really one of those people now? Am I going to have to declare to my waitstaff that I don't eat beef, poultry or pork and to please I beg you make sure it isn't on my plate? I've always thought that people who make a big deal about being vegetarians while eating out were just assholes who liked to be difficult. But I'm seeing now that they're probably just doing it to make sure they don't get handed something with meat hidden in it. And even if I'm not really a vegetarian, is it safer to simply say that I am when ordering out? When I can't see the prep process of my dinner is it better to take the precaution and look like an asshole?

The Pioneer Woman...

2009-12-14T07:30:00.000-08:00

...knows I exist in this world.

More or less.

I submitted this photo to one of her challenges and it got posted this morning right here.

My list of accomplishments in life is now as follows:

1. Marry a loving, talented, adorable man who thinks I'm the best and lets me shop without question.
2. Start myself on a path to self-employment.
3. Get posted on Pioneer Woman's blog.
4. That's pretty much it.

Hello, Nice to Meet You

2009-12-01T09:48:00.000-08:00

I found this designer, Sam Edelman, yesterday. I'm sort of in love with him right now. I would wear any of the above were it not for the fact that I can't handle 5 inch heels, and I don't have several hundred spare dollars to spend on ankle-breaking shoes. But wouldn't any of them look fantastic with my $700 DVF dress that I posted below?

I also really like these for some reason:

I would wear the shit out of those umm... snow shoes? Cosmonaut boots?

I warned Matt that if he ever makes us rich I'll probably blow all of our money on furniture and clothes.

In other news, by the end of the week I should be listed as a local vendor on The Knot. I'm not really a huge fan of the way they go about pushing the "dream wedding" on girls, but I do think that it's a really great place to start your search for wedding info. They've got crap tons of resources on there.

I'd also like to have a feature on Offbeat Bride since the kooky gals need love too, but those are a little pricier and the Omaha market is considerably smaller on there. And by "considerably smaller" I think we're talking maybe 10 people total. But I love them and they don't discriminate against any type of wedding. Most of my weddings so far have been pretty unique: a park, a hospital chapel, an old school Italian restaurant... so I'd like to make sure my bizz has exposure the non-traditional market too.

One Holiday Down, Two To Go

2009-11-30T09:43:00.000-08:00

Matt and I hit the no-land-meat milestone of Thanksgiving and rather than consume as much turkey as we possibly could, we decided to keep on going. Today is officially one month without meat for me. (Fish not counted. Baby steps, you know?)

As non meat eaters we kind of overdid our first Thanksgiving. We cooked some stuff to take over to Matt's family's dinner and for some reason I was under the impression that I needed to cook as much food as possible. I made a double batch of mac and cheese and a triple batch of cornbread stuffing. Big. Mistake. We took home an 8x13 pan packed with leftovers. I forgot that everyone else would be chowing down on the giant turkey and wouldn't be going back for thirds of mac and cheese. We also made corn casserole and Bakerella's pumpkin cheesecake pie. There were miniscule leftovers of those which we were sure to steal because they were freaking tasty.

We ended up freezing small containers of the mac to use later as Americanized lasagna. And after three days of eating it, I'm officially giving up on the stuffing. I can't possibly eat anymore of it. I didn't think I'd ever say this, but I'm tired of eating carbs. I'm carrying around a little bread and pasta gut right now. I think I'm sticking to broccoli and carrots for the next week...

Family time was great. Matt's family decided to simplify Christmas this year and draw names instead of buying gifts for everyone. Instead of ten gifts for the adults we only have to buy one now. Technically, two between the both of us but we drew names of a married couple so they're getting one big gift. :) We still have 6 nieces and nephews to buy for so there's plenty of crap to be purchased over the next few weeks, regardless.

Not much else went on this weekend. I did four photo shoots over the weekend, plenty of shopping, a birthday party, not enough work to really catch up... I've still got Deb's wedding hanging over my head. I need to finish that up this week which is near impossible (or at least feels that way). I need to sort through about 200 photos every night this week to make that happen. Umm. Not sure how that's going to happen with my busy schedule of passing out in bed at 8:00. Did I mention I have a cold? Cause I do. It blows.

I Would Commit Grave Sins For...

2009-11-24T11:55:00.000-08:00

This Dress.

3 Day Work Week!

2009-11-23T06:46:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is this week! Obviously, right? I'm pretty excited for it this year. Matt and I (okay, just I) are contributing a few vegetarian dishes to the table this year. I'm making baked mac and cheese, cornbread stuffing, maybe some kind of green veggie dish and possibly a pie I just saw on Bakerella this morning... If I'm feeling a little crazy.

This is completely off topic, but I learned this weekend that Bac-os don't contain any actual bacon. They're mostly made of soy and science. Bac-os are a little gross but I'll gladly put them on certain items to give myself the illusion of a bacon experience.

The real reason I'm excited about Thanksgiving though is that it marks the point that I'm allowed to decorate the house for Christmas. I love decorating now that we have a house. I'm going to put up the tree, watch the old skool Grinch cartoon and maybe Christmas Vacation.

Fuji Instax

2009-11-20T11:37:00.000-08:00

I've been seeing the Fuji Instax camera everywhere the last couple of weeks. It's definitely a trend that I needed to get in on.

I think it's such a fun little gadget in today's overly teched out world. People get such a kick out of it too. I took it out last weekend and laughed every time I took a picture. I was also wasted though... so that might explain the giddiness.

I like that it's a one time little piece of art. You can't reproduce it 1000 times. You only get one. Ever. It also makes me stop and think about what I'm actually photographing. Instead of being able to take 8G of photos in one evening, I can take maybe 5. Plus, I'm a little impatient so the instant aspect of it is ridiculously satisfying to me.

I have some ideas to incorporate the camera into my wedding photography... I have a little plan that I think would be really fun. I'm waiting to find an awesome bride to try it out on.

These are of Omaha band Rock, Paper, Dynamite playing at the fall Omaha Entertainment Awards showcase... or something or other.

WTF, Cynthia?

2009-11-19T08:45:00.001-08:00

My first experience with Cynthia Rowley = Epic fail

I ordered this really adorable Cynthia Rowley dress online. It's short, tie dyed, has a bow tie. What's not to like? All the reviews said her dresses run small so I bought up a size just in case.

I got it in the mail yesterday. It's totally beautiful. One problem though. Its proportions are completely whack. The top fits perfectly but the bottom is apparently sized for a woman whose thighs are smaller than her knees. And that woman also likes it when her dress is pleated to create a giant fabric bubble over her ass.

It's getting sent back and the refund is going into my Ridiculous San Francisco Shopping Spree money jar.

Meat Free: Day 10

2009-11-09T10:44:00.001-08:00

Today is day 10 of our meat free (disclaimer: unless you consider fish a meat... which is clearly is) experiment. We haven't been too creative with our meals so far. Just the basic stuff reworked. I did buy a great cookbook, but haven't actually cooked anything out of it because that would require a meaningful and thought out trip to the grocery store. Overall, it hasn't been too much of a challenge. Matt and I have bravely faced fried chicken, bacon, a cheeseburger joint, and a bag of frozen meatballs without caving. I think we're going to extend the fast until Christmas, or Christmas Eve in my case. Three words: homemade Swedish meatballs.

I couple points of interest about non-meat life that might be worth sharing:

1. Not eating meat has resulted in lots of meat dreams. I'm fairly certain this is a me-specific result of a change in my eating habits and not an overarching issue that plagues vegetarians - but I'm sharing anyway. I've had separate dreams where I've eaten beef tacos, steak and bacon. Each time I know I'm not supposed to eat it, almost like I'm eating it on accident. Then, Matt usually walks in and I either shove the rest of what I'm eating into my mouth or throw it away and try to act casual.

2. Giving up meat (land meat?) is kind of like quitting smoking. You can insert your own "cold turkey" joke here. Every part of your brain has to be ready to let it go. At first, I thought in terms of, "I only have to get through this one meal. I can handle that." But now I'm thinking long term. Who knows what will happen. Matt is completely ready to give it up. I think I might need some more convincing before I swear off of it for life.

3. I'm terrified of telling my parents. I'm already the freak of the family. Telling them, "Matt and I are taking a meat hiatus to further explore our political/dietary views on meat," may send them over the edge. My dad does have a really great sense of humor though when it comes to my liberalness. He always tells me, "I didn't raise you to think for yourself." It probably won't be that bad. If they panic about the no-meat thing, I'll just throw Cat under the bus and remind them that she has tattoos, which is way more freaky. :)

4. I tried buying frozen meals for office lunches and my options were pretty much the following: pasta, pasta, pasta, pasta, pizza, pizza, pasta. This is also how I discovered that salt is considered an adequate substitute for flavor in most "vegetarian" dishes. I feel bad for real vegetarians when they're trying to eat outside the home. They kind of get the crap end of the stick .

5. Everyone keeps commenting that they/me would loose like OMG so much weight on a vegetarian diet. Umm... hello? Have you met my friend Cheese? He likes to hang out with my other friends Potato and Noodle.

6. Yes, fish it totally cheating but I don't really care. I tend to do things half-assed. We limit it to twice a week though as recommended by the FDA.

Anyone else considering or doing some kind of change in diet/habit? What are your reasons?

Temporary Pescetary

2009-11-03T14:24:00.000-08:00

Anyone familiar with the McCartney song, "Temporary Secretary?"

No?

Ok, moving on.

Last week I read a pretty disgusting article by Johnathan Safran Foer on cnn.com about the horror show that is factory farming. You too can read it here, if you dare. I shared the article with my lovely husband and it also sufficiently freaked him out, a grown man who can eat a one pound burger in a single sitting.

We have been throwing around vegetarianism - more specifically pescetarianism - for a while. We're not giving up fish and seafood. We talked it over and decided that starting November 1st we would take a temporary meat break. Err... break from meat. Our trial period is set to expire on November 26th which just so coincidentally happens to be Thanksgiving. Funny how that works! We're not ready to give it up permanently, just long enough to forget the majority of that God forsaken article. Honestly, the article was just the tipping point. There are other factors that went into our decision.

1. I feel bad eating pigs. They're so smart. H1N1 is pig retaliation against all the years of hell we've bestowed upon them.

2. My cholesterol is rounding the peek into the danger zone. That as well as high blood pressure run in my family. Fried chicken, bacon and burgers are probably killing me (us). Time to cut the cord.

3. I cooked some drumsticks last week and attempted to de-skin them before cooking. Have you ever peeled the skin off of raw chicken? I don't recommend it. One of the legs had some of the yellow foot skin at the bottom and looking at it made me gag. Repeatedly. I ended up throwing it away.

4. Umm, where was I. I'm all grossed out now. Oh yes, green reasons. I think it's completely insane that I live in Nebraska, literally minutes away from a cattle farm, and yet who knows where my beef is coming from. I've never stopped to ask. And that right there is a problem. Same goes for chickens, eggs and the majority of my produce.

5. I'm tired of everything in my cooking repertoire. I'm ready to learn some new recipes. 80% of my cooking choices revolve around which piece of meat out of the freezer will thaw the fastest.

We'll see how this little experiment goes. I haven't eaten meat since Friday, and in four days I haven't wanted to eat it. I also haven't gone to a restaurant, smelled bacon or thought about Swedish meatballs in those four days. So, take that for what it's worth.

The intended outcome isn't to become vegetarians, it's to become more aware of the food we put into our bodies and where it comes from. I'm still not against returning to omnivorism, but only if it means being able to buy/eat meet from local family farms that are ethically managed. We're also making an effort to only buy wild caught and sustainable fish and seafood, as well as free range eggs. It's more expensive than running to the grocery store and grabbing what's on sale but we want to be able to rely less on meat as the main ingredient in our meals (see item #5 above).

Wedding Photo Blogs. What gives?

2009-11-02T12:25:00.000-08:00

I'm developing an issue with all the top wedding photography sites... They only feature completely outrageous, styled to death weddings. And they technically don't even feature the "wedding" part of the wedding. 90% of them only post photos of pre-wedding stuff, detail shots and bridal portraits. Rarely do I ever see photos from the ceremonies and receptions. It's driving me crazy because those are the areas of the day that I want to see examples of. I want to see how other people make it happen. I photographed a wedding on Saturday and everything was inside. Portraits, ceremony, reception. I got the couple outside for some couple shots but really that's about it. I want some clues as to how other people work around the less than ideal situations.

I understand that the photos featured on wedding sites are the best of the best. They're expensive weddings with mad crazy designers at the helms and they only show the extraordinary material from the day. That's great and all, but where it the authenticity in that? Where are real weddings? Where is the wedding shot inside a dim church? Or inside a banquet hall? How do those photographers make it work? How do you take an everyday, real wedding and make it look dreamy and extraordinary in photos?

Answers? Anyone?

Maybe I should start my own wedding photography blog and only feature the photos of real couples and real weddings. Not only do they kind of pick and choose the most exceptional looking weddings, they also pick and choose the most exceptional looking brides. It's so.... wrong! With the exception of Offbeat Bride and Rock and Roll Bride, I never see featured women who are not size four and Caucasian.

Studio Space

2009-10-26T10:18:00.001-07:00

October "The Month of Crazy" 2010 is almost over. Thank gawd for that. Only two more bookings this month and I will have survived. I'm sitting on ten sessions that need to be edited - but since none of them are currently late I'm marking it down as a win.

The last few months have really shocked me. I didn't know I possessed such a driving force. I feel like I'm making a lot of progress both in my talents and abilities and in knowing what I want for the future. I never thought I would want any type of studio space but I'm starting to see a need for one. The summer and fall were great, but what about the winter? Where will I shoot? I'm also stuck with the issue of having to cancel sessions on rainy days. It would be nice to have a backup plan. I've been very lucky with in-home shoots so far. I've never had a situation I couldn't work in, but it would be nice to have more control over the lighting situations.

So, that brings me to a studio space. I don't exactly have the income or the business stability, or the income, to sign a lease on a place of my own. I also don't know anyone who's subletting and/or giving it away for free out of the goodness of their heart. I doubt I would qualify for an artist's co-op. That only leaves our spare bedroom...

Yep. You got it. We're thinking of using our spare bedroom as the world's tiniest photography studio. Honestly, I think it might work with some minor changes. The floors are hardwood and it has windows on the east and south so already we're in decent shape. I'm thinking about installing a brick veneer on one wall and buying a couple backdrops and a stand for some variety. Pick up a settee, some chairs, non-vomit inducing props for kiddos... Change out the light fixture, add a couple studio lights... We've got a working studio space. A 10x11 working studio space, but beggars can't be choosers at this stage.

Note: No posey-posey bullshit will be taking place in this studio. It's still business as usual - just inside.

I'm really only looking for an area that I could use for shoots with babies, children and small families. I live up the block from a park and there are plenty of outdoorsy areas around where we live so I could do half a session in the studio and half a session outside, weather permitting, and offer even more options to clients. For probably less money than I would pay for a month's rent in a studio, I could have a space in our house. It's not an ideal solution but I don't even know what I really need at this point. And who knows, it might be a total flop. I might hate it. It might also be awesome and I decide I want a real space in the future. Either way, I'm ready to take the next step with this learning process. I don't want to be limited to only photographing in certain places/scenarios.

Thank you for reading what has essentially been my inner dialogue for the past three days.

2009 Omaha Marathon

2009-10-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

Last month I ran the Omaha 1/2 marathon with two really great friends.

It was my second time running the 1/2 and my third consecutive year running the event. This year though was the first time I didn't feel like I wanted to die ten miles in. I think we were actually very well prepared.

Poor Jen in the pink though looks like she might be in quite a bit of pain. That's because she's an effing rock star and (unknowingly) ran it with a stress fracture. Just thinking about that makes me a little queasy. Aside from that minor little tidbit the run was pretty uneventful. We finished with a good time and plan on shaving some minutes off when we run another 1/2 in the Spring. We already have a game plan to cut about 20 minutes off:

1. No eight minute port-a-potty stops.
2. No running on stress fractures.
3. More bacon.

I'm Just Not That Into It

2009-10-13T14:40:00.000-07:00

I watched He's Just Not That Into You last weekend. If this movie were a man and we were out on a date, I would have faked going to the bathroom and snuck out the front door after fifteen minutes. But since I was home watching it on a Friday night, in bed, with two beers, and the remote was broken, I ended up watching the whole movie. Reluctantly.

I could go on and on for pages about how bad I think this movie really is. But for the sake of time and the sake of your waning interest at this point, I will just focus on two major points of hatred.

Point One: Ginnifer Goodwin's Character

I can't remember the character's name and the fact that I don't even want to bother hitting up IMDB for the answer should tell you how awful she was. Not Ginnifer. Oh God no. I feel terrible for that poor woman. It's her character that I couldn't stand. Whatever her name was. I found her to be one of the least likable non-villain movie character EVAR! She whined and fussed and crazied her way into a relationship with a man who found her completely obtuse and unattractive for the first 120 minutes of a 128 minute movie. I would really like for someone to explain to me how that happens. I thought the point of the movie was to explain to women why they shouldn't cling, stalk, OMGwhyisnthecalling and daydream about dudes who have no interest in you. And then, at the end, she does all those things and the guy falls in love with her.

WTF???

Point Two: WTF??? (Serious plot spoilers - like you should really care.)

Seriously? What the hell? I thought this movie was supposed to be a lesson to women about men and dating. The first 3/4 of it was very cram-it-down-your-throat lessony about the obvious signs when a man isn't interested. But in the end, everyone threw the lessons out the window and just did whatever they felt like doing.

-Jennifer Aniston finally gave up on the man who wouldn't marry her for completely BS reasons and then he asked her to marry him.

-Old Blue Eyes pretended to be a nice guy, cheated on his wife, told her, was forgiven and still acted like an ungrateful bastard.

-Eric From Entourage took advice from the gays and it turned out wrong BUT EXCUSE ME the gays are NEVER wrong.

-Ginnifer McCrazypants freaked the fuck out on the Mac guy and then he fell in love with her. Doesn't that completely dispel every one of the points that were being made in the movie and book? A dude treating you like crap equals a dude who isn't interested unless of course you get all psycho on him and pretend you're his live-in girlfriend at a cocktail party, cock block him, yell at him, and then try to forget about him. For some reason that's the winning combination to his heart, then and only then will he show up at your door with an apology and a cheesy romantic gesture. The end.

Point Three: I Lied About Only Two Points

Scarlett Johansson still sucks at acting. I understand that she's hot and all, but they could cast a cardboard cutout of her in movies and I doubt anyone would notice.

My Haircut

2009-10-08T11:03:00.001-07:00

I basically have this haircut now.

I don't have a picture yet of my own head to show you. My friend Leslie might have one but I'm also wearing a fake baby belly in the picture and that's not really something I need to be posting on my blog. I think I started enough rumors by just wearing the belly. I don't need to go posting it on the interwebs.

Back to the hair... I cut it all off a couple weeks ago. I started seeing a new stylist that was raaaaaved about by nearly my entire family. My last haircut was awful. I'm pretty sure the girl who cut it was on drugs. She looked dead in the eyes like one of the possessed townsfolk on True Blood. She washed, cut, dried and shoved me out the door in less than 25 minutes. She didn't even show me the back. Just put down the blow-dryer, took off my smock and handed me my purse. So, I went to the new girl. She kicks ass.

I found these pictures in October's issue of Real Simple. There's a style guide in there for different hair lengths. The directions make styling look really easy, but let me tell you. It's not. Their directions for all of those styles are essentially as follows:

1. Put a glob of mousse in hair.
2. Comb/finger comb hair into place.
3. Let air dry.

How exactly you're supposed to get four unique hair styles out of that is beyond me. I really like the middle one on the right, but I'm not that good. I did try out the top right one and it looked decent. I wore it with dark red lipstick which made me look like a cross between a flapper and one of the chicks from a Robert Palmer video. I looked simply irresistible. (Everyone with me on that?) So, now of course I think I should buy a flapper style dress and just rock the house with it. Maybe I'll learn to do the Charleston too.

$100 Bathroom Makeover

2009-10-08T07:41:00.001-07:00

I'm having a little Design on a Dime challenge with myself. I want to restyle our bathroom on a $100 budget. The bathroom was renovated before we moved in, so overall it's in great shape. It's just... boring. So far I've spent $28.86 on a shower curtain and a bamboo tray for the counter. I'm guessing paint is going to cost around $24, so that leaves me with about $47 for rugs, a couple hand towels, and maybe a soap pump or a new toothbrush holder.

It might be time to hit the clearance shelves.

I'm hoping to have it done by the end of the month so I can submit it to the Design*Sponge before and after book.

Fall Photos

2009-10-05T09:03:00.000-07:00

Lots of fall goodies happening over on my photo blog.

I'm also really excited to put up some Halloween decorations. I'm going out this week to buy a few new things. The foam headstones I bought last year didn't hold up. Hopefully, I fine some plastic ones that will last a couple years. I'm also going to run to Walgreens and pick up some severed arms and legs, on sale for 2/$10. That is soooo not a joke. Also on the agenda, making ghosts out of some old muslin fabric I have at home.

Story about the muslin... a number of years ago I bought a crap ton of cheap muslin for a photo project. I wanted to drape an entire room in fabric and photograph it. My ambition quickly faded (I was 18, what can I say) and I never went through with it. I have since seen someone else do something very similar so there's no point now in saving 10+ yards of muslin. Might as well make some ghosts out of it...

The Ex Factor

2009-09-29T08:59:00.000-07:00

I may have lifted that title from a Sex and the City episode. It sounds like a very Carrie-esque play on words.

Anyway...

While the list of dudes I've "dated" might be checkered and lengthy**, the list of "boyfriends" I've had is pretty short. Therefore, is it really too much to ask that the small collection of men I've loved in the past remain bachelors for the rest of their lives? I'm not harboring unrequited love for them, nor do I want any of them back. I just hate the idea that they feel there's someone better than me out there in the world. I want to believe that I am the pinnacle of their lives and without me, they are nothing. Selfish and delusional? Yes. Irrational? I don't think so.

I have, what I consider to be, three exes:

One ex I had no desire to stay in contact with when we broke up. He was a strange man. Our love was more of a friendship-based thing so I'm happy for him if he's moved on. I still don't need to know about it though.

The next ex I genuinely hope stayed/stays single for the rest of eternity. Or just ceases to exist, taking with him all memories of our time together. Whichever. I wish him the best in life as long as "the best" doesn't include a hot wife.

The last ex I genuinely believed would stay single for the rest of eternity. I feel like the last half of our relationship was a giant mind fuck. He was a man child. I left the relationship bitter and assuming he would never grow up. (We both needed to grow up but that's completely beside the point.) Turns out he got married recently and it's annoying the crap out of me.

I just celebrated my one year anniversary and I'm extremely happy and in love with my husband. Obviously, relationship number four was the right one. Comparing the other boyfriends to Matt is like comparing a giant pile of steaming crap to... do I even need to finish that analogy? Still, I don't have to like the fact that my exes are out there walking around with the general population. And I really don't have to like the fact that they're married. I am simply one of those people who is incapable of remaining in contact with exes. It just can't happen in my world. My head would explode. I prefer to think of them as celibate monks, living in isolation on a remote mountain in Asia somewhere. But not all together on the same mountain. That would suck. There are only so many things they could talk about before the conversation inevitably turned to me. And if there's anything I want less than on of my exes getting married, it's one of my exes befriending another ex over the topic me and my failed relationships.

**And I will deny ever having met 90% of them.

Fabulous Retro House

2009-09-25T11:12:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite time wasters if browsing available real estate for funky gems. I found a really great one a couple months ago. Check out this next one. It's so fabulously bad! I want to move in and leave everything as is.

Can you believe these bedrooms? They simultaneously make me want to gag and make me a little bit jealous. They're just so outrageously mid-century hip. I want to set my hair in curlers and lounge on that bed in my house coat while I cook a pot roast and wait for my husband to get home from his job at the phone company.

For real? Gold plush carpet?

I also found this house that piqued my interest. I don't so much want to move in, but I would like to meet the people who are selling it. Judging by their home decor, I think we could be friends.

The Power of Social Networking

2009-09-23T14:32:00.001-07:00

Can I update you on my little business that I'm running? (Jen and Cat, you're my only readers and you already know all this, so just go along with it mkay?)

I've had a surge in photography clients the last few weeks. It blows me away every time I think about it. I'm humbled that people actually ~~pay me~~ want me to take their photos. I have a ton of stuff booked for the fall, and last week something strange happened... My friend posted a response to a girl on The Knot, recommending me as an affordable wedding photographer. Evidentially, other brides saw it and starting emailing me for prices and availability all the way out until October 2010! Good lawd! I am now officially a bona fide wedding photographer... who is still terrified of the mountable flash, but I'm working on it. (One word: Fong.)

I'm learning the awesome power of word-of-mouth quickly around these parts. "These parts" being Omaha of course. My first bride alone has generated five bookings for me by simply showing people my blog. I did her son's one year shoot, her brother's family, her co-worker's maternity pictures, future booking for the co-worker's newborn baby, and a future booking for a second co-worker. I need to start paying the girl commission! It also proves how important blogging is these days for upstart businesses. I edit a handful of pictures, send the client a link, and within 24 hours I usually have 30 hits to my blog. I sent out a link this morning and had three new bookings before noon! God bless the holiday season and everyone scrambling to get their Christmas card pictures taken before Thanksgiving...

I'm really having fun with this. I'm still so grateful for finding a job that makes me happy. This morning, I had the mom from my maternity shoot email me and say that the pictures I took of her son made her cry. Ya, ya, pregnancy hormones. Whatever. The point is that a picture I took elicited such a strong reaction from a parent. That is exactly why I love doing this.

Inspiring Wedding

2009-09-23T14:23:00.000-07:00

Today is just going to be the day where I link to other peoples' stuff. Am I technically still a "blogger" if I stop writing my own content and just post to everyone else's? I guess we'll find out. It's not my fault that everyone else is so much more effing creative than I am.

Seriously though, click this link:

Idaho Wedding Filled with Style

Easy and Beautiful Home Idea!

2009-09-23T12:53:00.000-07:00

I am sooooo doing this to my office and dining room. It reminds me of Eloise...

Easy Pelmet Boxes

...Which in turn reminds me of this: Betsey Johnson to Design Plaza Suite.

By The Book

2009-09-16T14:04:00.000-07:00

I'm on a mission to find some new cookbooks and expand my culinary horizons. Right now I get most of my recipes off Pioneer Woman or I frankenstein recipes out of Better Homes and Gardens. I also have the Top Chef cookbook, which frankly is a joke. My eyes glaze over at the directions in there. The food, however, is amazing.

I sent out a call to friends (thanks, Facebook) and I got two recommendations:

The Secrets of Jesuit Soup Making and Moosewood Cookbook.

I don't trust the Amazon reviews. Taking food suggestions is like taking movie suggestions. You really have to make sure people know their shit when they advice you on such topics. For instance, one person was complaining about a book I looked up, saying that the recipes had too many ingredients in them and the soup took too long to cook. WTF? Soup cooks all freaking day when you make it from scratch. You can't make a soup from the stock up in 30 minutes. It's just not going to happen. Another reviewer was complaining about the obscurity of ingredients that Julia Child uses. Do I even need to explain how stupid that is?

These are not issues with the quality of the books, these are issues with the quality of people's patients. And those are definitely not people that I want to take food advice from. I have my quick and easy recipes and I make meals that come out of boxes. Sure. But when I want something yummy and soulful, I look for a complicated recipe with 87 ingredients and I enjoy myself. After all, that's what cookbooks are for.

In addition to the two books above, I'm also looking for a really good Jewish-American cookbook. I want old school NYC deli food. "Old people food" if you will. Unfortunately, I don't know anyone who is knowledgeable about that genre of food, so it's just me and Amazon on these ones:

2nd Avenue Deli, Molly Goldberg Jewish Cookbook, Junior's

Anyone else have any cookbook recommendations?

Right Around the Corner

2009-09-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

This fall is shaping up to be a busy one. I have things booked every weekend between now and the beginning of November. I'm thinking of blocking off this upcoming Saturday so I can take advantage of a spa day gift certificate Matt gave me. And speaking of Matt, he was featured in an article for the new Beatles Rock Band.

I love the fall. I love nearly everything about it.

All you can eat apples.
Fires.
Booze in my coffee.
Coats.
Great TV.
Staying in bed all day Sunday.
Football snacks.

The restlessness of Summer is over and I'm just ready to relax until Christmas rolls around. I feel more energized and happier. More hopeful about the future. And maybe this year will be the year I finally convince myself that I need a cloche hat and driving gloves.

Bought Time.

2009-09-08T14:57:00.000-07:00

Well, here it is. It's finally 09.09.09. Beatles day. I no longer have to listen to every man in my family talk about this day like it is the second coming of Christ. Matt went and picked up his Beatles swag at midnight, came home and played until 1:30am, then woke back up at 9:00am to play it some more before work.

Aside from a pile of Beatles merch, we also picked up season five of The Office and I grabbed my new lens. We sat down to watch a few episodes last night and I spilled a full grande pumpkin latte on the carpet. Entirely full. I didn't even take one sip of it. I spent 30 minutes trying to clean an orange pumpkin syrup stain out of shag carpet. Not even a combo of Resolve and a Little Green Machine could clean it up. Doesn't that seem a little strange? Whatever is in that coffee is full of so much artificial garbage that it stained brown carpet! WTF??? I may be off pumpkin lattes permanently.

Anyway... Since our purchasing habits over the last few weeks have been so out of control, I've decided to make a headboard instead of buying one. I found one on target for $300, but it makes me nervous to buy furniture from them. A lot of the reviews make it sounds poorly made. I'm looking for something upholstered, colorful, inviting. There are tutorials all over the place online. I don't think it will be too hard. Here are a few pics I'm using for my inspiration:

Monday's Mission

2009-09-07T07:56:00.000-07:00

Monday's Mission: Figure out where this dress comes from. Determine whether or not I can afford to buy it.

Labor Day Weekend

2009-09-07T07:06:00.000-07:00

It has been an eventful weekend thus far. And I still have an entire day left to enjoy.

On Saturday, I had a photo session with a family at 9:00. I've found that portrait sessions with little kids work best early in the day, unfortunately. So, they met me out at a lake to take some outdoor pictures. There was a ton of dew on the ground and all parties ended up covered in mud. It makes for some great pictures though when moms and dads aren't afraid to get dirty.

Later in the morning I went with a Jen and Kate down in Kansas City. We tried to go to some baking supply stores but they were all closed. Bummer. We also hit up a mall where I learned the dangers of entering a Nordstroms. I ended up buying a pricey (but loooooovely) grey wool DKNY coat. It is knee length with a ruffle collar and very, very chic. Ooh la la! I can't wait for it to get cold out. We also hit up the Betsey Johnson down there. It was ahh mazing. The jewelry counter was to die for. I regret not buying a few things I saw. But really, how much animal themed jewelry does one need? I already have a bird necklace and a snake ring. Do I really need the matching snake bracelet, a giant lobster ring and a pair of gecko earrings? Probably. I intended to bring my camera and document our little trip in proper blogger fashion, but I forgot. Whoops.

The shopping trip was fun but next year I think we're going to Minneapolis. A few reasons as to why: Free place to stay, H&M, Ikea. Both H&M and Ikea are filled with cheap crap, but every now and then you can find something really great. Same thing goes for Forever XXI even though that's a little off-topic. I've bought dresses at both that are sewn together well and have really nice lining. Then again, I've also bought tops that fall apart in the wash after the first time I wear them. But I digress.

In the wee hours of Sunday, I met up the with ladies again and we did our ten mile training run. The 1/2 marathon is in three weeks so we needed to get it in. We all were lacking in motivation but we stuck it out and finished in just under two hours. I'm feeling the last three miles today though. My back is aching like a mofo. I think that's more the fault of my jacked up spine than the running though.

Sunday afternoon I went to my bro and sis-in-law's house for some family hangout time. I got to see all my nieces and nephews which always makes me happy. I finally got to spend some time with little Jackie. She's about six months old and smiling and alert. Plus, she's big enough now that I'm not afraid to break her.

I tried and tried to enjoy my last three-day weekend of the summer by getting drunk, but I couldn't make it happen. I blame it on the cheeseburger, hotdog, sausage and pile of dessert I ate. Normally I'm a two drink drunk, but I think I drank at least five beers and four mixed drinks and I was still sober yesterday. The only thing that probably would have done the trick was tequila shots, but it's not really worth it when it comes to that point.

That's about it. Today I have some cleaning to do, errands to run, work to finish. We also picked up the forth season of weeds so that's going to need to be watched today too.

We Are Triathletes!

2009-09-03T20:31:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, Jen and I finished a mini triathlon. Like, super mini. But it counts.

It's freaking cold out and we're about to jump in a lake! Thumbs Up!

FYI: These are less a series of pictures documenting the event, and more a series of pictures documenting how awesome I think it is to give a thumbs up.

The event consisted of:

100 yard swim
2 mile bike ride
1.5 mile run

But don't let those numbers fool you. It was freaking exhausting.

First and foremost, I am not a swimmer. Before Saturday, I had not swam since junior high gym class. Considering that fact, I was a little apprehensive about jumping into a lake and um not drowning so I shamelessly completed the swimming portion with a lifejacket strapped securely to my chest. Thank heavens for that life jacket. Without it I don't think I would have made it more than 20 feet before giving the "I Quit This Bitch" arm-flail signal to the lifeguards.

Praise Jesus I found this spare life-jacket and I won't die today! Thumbs up!

We did our swim and then grabbed our bikes for a two mile ride. Again, I am not a bike rider so 2 miles was a little... rough? I had seriously grand plans a couple years ago to switch from running to biking and complete a century ride. Ya. That never happened. Two miles on a bike and I couldn't sit down for 72 hours.

After biking was running. Pshew! Easy! Nothing to it! Oh wait, I just got off a bike... It certainly wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. It was sort of like when you go roller skating and then take the skates off and try to exit the building. Your legs don't understand what the hell you're doing and it feels like you're walking through Jello. Same thing applies to biking/running.

But it was only 1.5 miles. So we survived with flying colors.

I just tested my athletic stamina with a series of consecutive cardio based exercises! Fuck the thumbs up, we are champions.

P.S. I recently disabled the link from my professional blog to this blog so I feel a lot more free to use foul language now that potential clients and co-workers won't find this. If you've ever held a conversation with me you know I have a dirty mouth, so I feel that the odd "shit" here or a "fuck" there really provides a sense of authenticity and better reflects the person I really am. Hope you don't mind! Smooches!

Fall Fashion Wist List

2009-09-03T10:45:00.000-07:00

Are you ready for a completely pointless and self-indulgent post?

Good! Here are my fall wardrobe wants:

I dream of having a really chic, funky wardrobe full of black, white and denim clothing. Then I would funk it up with stripes, polka dots, and brightly colored accessories. It's kind of tough but girly, sophisticated but rockin. Plus, it feels like getting ready to leave the house in the morning would be so much simpler if everything in my closet matched everything else.

Anthropologie Shoes - These are the ultimate in girly hipness. They deserve to be purchased and then left in the box so they never get dirty. Then, 60 years from now my grandkids can bury me in them and I'll get to spend the rest of eternity wearing them. Is that weird?

Old Soul New Heart Necklace & Whiting and Davis Clutch - I saw Old Soul New Heart on a blog yesterday and I looooove it. I am a sucker for anything with a bow on it. It also perfectly matches the Whiting and Davis box clutch that I've been trying to justify buying. As of right now, I have yet to successfully do so but I'm working on it.

Forever XXI Shorts and Tunic - What's rock and roll fashion without (faux) leather? And what person doesn't want to be festooned with sequins every now and then? Both are pretty impractical in terms of "Where the eff would I ever wear that?" but at $23 apiece I will probably buy them anyway. I'm all about the cheap thrills.

OPI Nail Polish - I'm not a big fan of OPI, but they always have the perfect shades. I have some Cover Girl Boundless Color polish that I think lasts longer than OPI. The color selection isn't as big but it's half the price and lasts twice as long before chipping.

Matt and Nat Crossbody Tote - A big giant stylish bag. I can always find a use for one of these. I'm especially fond of Matt and Nat bags. They're made with fake leather but look and feel like the real thing. And it's the perfect size for carrying around my new box clutch for an easy day to evening transition. Not that I'm ever in need of easy day to evening transitions. This is Omaha after all.

Kate Spade Dress - The whole Kate Spade fall collection makes me cry. It is all so adorably perfect. This dress is my favorite though. I would commit serious crimes in exchange for it.

Stuffed Poblanos

2009-09-01T08:21:00.001-07:00

I made a really quick, cheap meal last night that I feel is worth sharing. There are no pictures because I ate it too fast.

Hungry + Staring at tasty food = Impatient

Tuna Stuffed Poblanos

3 large poblano peppers (aka Anaheim peppers)
8oz block of softened cream cheese
2 cans of tuna
1 white onion
shredded cheese
garlic
pepper
paprika

Cut the peppers in half length wise and clean out the insides.

In a bowl, mix together the cream cheese, tuna, 1/2 a diced white onion and garlic to taste. Poblanos are a pretty mild variety of pepper, so if you want to add a little heat to the recipe chop up some jalapenos and mix them in too.

Spoon the mixture into the peppers. Crack fresh pepper and sprinkle paprika over the tops. Then, top everything off with a layer of shredded cheese.

Heat in the oven at 350 for 15-20 minutes.

Awesome

2009-08-27T08:11:00.001-07:00

Awesome:

My wedding bouquet is included in a post on sfgirlbybay this morning! How cool is that? I love her blog. It makes me crave another trip to San Francisco. (Pssst. I might get to go in January.)

I met with a couple friends last night who are starting a business that specializes in designing closet systems for shoe gals. I helped them out with some photo services so they're going to help pimp my 8 cubic foot closet.

Of my list of 5 things to finish this week, I've so far finished 3. Niiiiice.

I'm going to Kansas City to shop with a couple girl friends over Labor Day. Better get some of those invoices sent out so mama has some spending cash...

Well, hello!

2009-08-26T06:24:00.001-07:00

Oh, hi there, Dottie Girl Tote!

How are you?

I'm well.

What's that? You want me to buy you?

Okay... If you insist... Just don't tell my husband, okay?