Bachelorettehood Down the Toilet

It's Monday morning... It's raining, cold, I'm probably getting sick, but I'm fully recovered from the monster hangover I had Sunday, so it's all good. I went out Saturday night with a few of my close friends and they got me nice and trashed to celebrate my passing bachelorettehood. I thought the plan was to make the rounds in Dundee but Cat, Shannon, Jeff and Brandon surprised me by renting a gangster limo for a couple of hours. It was pretty sweet. We just drove around drinking in the limo. We stopped at one bar downtown to get a quick drink then went back to cruising like the Gs we are. I ended up drunker than drunk. You'd think I would have learned by now that beer, whiskey, vodka and champagne do not go together. But no. Evidently not. I consumed all of the above then I went home and payed the price by passing out with my head on the toilet. It was so very classy. I haven't thrown up from drinking since I was a rookie, and even then I blame that on some bad pasta (obviously not the Jack).

I had a lot of fun but I'm glad that bachelorette parties are a once in a lifetime occurrence. Thanks to the people that came out and helped make it memorable. Even though I don't remember all of it...

Beemer, Nebraska

Last night, Jeff, Brandon, Shannon and I went to Beemer, Nebraska. Yep. Beemer. We went to visit of Brandon's friend Ashley and gawk at small town life. It was strange... to say the least, but very very fun. We stayed at the Trails Inn Motel. (Motel with an M) Our room smelled like 1945. The cinderblock walls were a lovely shade of peach. The bathroom was surprisingly clean, however. No one brought shampoo assuming that there would be some in the room, but no. Not the case.

After checking into our luxury suite we walked down the alley about 40 feet to Ashley's apartment. Here's her back porch:



Ashley lives above the bar that she owns. Her apartment was awesome. Huge, open, bright. The bar was the exact opposite. It was just what you might think a bar in Beemer, Nebraska might look like. But there was karaoke! Who doesn't love that? I was no where near intoxicated enough to be willing to sing in public. Plus, I have an out-of-state only policy on karaoke singing. I did it once in Kansas City (I sang "I Like Big Butts" in case you were wondering) and that was enough for me. But everyone else had a good time with it. Everyone including the baby the karaoke operator was holding the entire night. I didn't know babies liked karaoke? I mean I know that babies love being in bowling alleys at midnight, but I was not informed that they also liked smokey karaoke bars. I need to get a parenting book or something. Can you believe people let me babysit? I'm such a terrible tare taker...

After leaving the bar, Shannon and I walked back down the alley to our room. Luckily, I had a couple drinks and my sense of needing to go to sleep overpowered my sense of not being willing to touch anything in the room and I was able to get into the bed without being totally grossed out. That vanished in the morning though when I woke up and remembered that I wasn't in my own bed and the comforter that was pulled up over my head was not one that I really ought to have been touching.

After everyone woke up we headed back to the bar for breakfast. Beer for breakfast, yay! No, not really. The town's hotspot bar also doubles as the town's hotspot breakfast joint. I had a delicious egg sandwich and a few bites of the most incredible biscuits and gravy. I am unashamed of my love for biscuits and gravy. They have serious ass-fattening potential, but the yumminess is more than worth it. And then that was that. After eating we drove back to Omaha and I took one of the hottest and longest showers of my life. I needed to burn off my top layer of skin to be sure that I got all of the motel off of me.