The Nomad and The Loner

Is everyone familiar with the "single girl behaviors" conversation from that one episode of Sex and the City? It's the one where they all confess the strange things they do when no one is around to witness it. Things like staring at your pores in a magnifying mirror, eating crackers while standing and reading fashion magazines... They aren't truly strange Buffalo Bill type things, just things of a particular nature that you aren't necessarily proud to be caught doing. The conversation in the movie is that they're all living with men/husbands and they're afraid of having their significant others witness their strange habits.

I understand this feeling completely. I lived alone for four years before moving in with my husband (then boyfriend) and his three roommates. (We lived there for six months before buying our house. At that point, living with only one man felt like living in a spa.) We're obviously now married and are one of those couples who share a complete disregard for other person's privacy and boundaries. The bathroom may as well not have a lock, let alone a door. We talk about our bodily functions in a fashion that would make my grandparents blush. We use horrifying language. It's the sort of disgusting living arrangement that can only occur after you've sworn to love each other despite all the things you're going to witness throughout your lifetime together.

It's incredibly romantic.

But even with all the raw, freakish openness that we share, there are still those things in life that I will not do while he's around.

-I walk the aisles of Target for hours.
-I eat cheese dip and chips in bed while watching girl movies.
-I try on all the dresses in my closet.
-I trim my cuticles.

It's not so much because I don't want him to see them, but because I cherish them. They're mine. My little idiosyncrasies that I hold on to because I am still an independent woman, regardless of my marital status.

I happen to be in a marriage with a man who travels quite a bit for a living. Ten months will go by without him traveling, then he'll be gone for six weeks. I certainly don't think it's an accident that I married a man whose heart leads him to travel around the country. He was born a nomad in a nomadic military family. He never stayed in one place as a kid. And now, as an adult, he gets antsy if he doesn't move around.

And then there's me. Living alone for those four years taught me how to do just that - live alone. I hated it at first. But after the first year or so I grew accustomed to it. I started to look forward to my solo nights in. I would cook myself junk food for dinner, watch brain-rotting TV, drink wine, do my nails. I would go to Borders and sit on the floor reading magazines on a Saturday night. I learned how to be with myself. I think it's a very important thing to be able to do in life.

So, here we are. The nomad and the loner, married and in love. I definitely don't always enjoy the fact that he's gone. After two days I start to feel homesick in my own home. Even the dog gets depressed when Matt's gone. But I survive it. I let my heart miss him, but I continue to live my life. We've struck a delicate balance within our marriage. We depend on each other, but we aren't dependent on each other. We lean on each other, but we aren't crutches that hold one another up. I wholeheartedly believe that successful spouses have to maintain some autonomy in their marriage, while still being a part of a team.

Marriage does not fix loneliness. It does not fix insecurities. It does not fix depression. I think in some ways it magnifies those things. You have to enter into your partnership with a happy heart or else it will fall apart from the inside out. I don't think a lot of people understand that. You have to be in love with you in order for someone else to be in love with you. It might sound cliche but it's very true. You have to own your strange single-person behaviors and be proud of them. You should enjoy those little slices of yourself and be proud of your independent ladiness.

Geez... what an essay. Who saw that coming?

Moses Prey

Friday night my husband's band, Moses Prey, had a show at Barley Street Tavern in Benson. I'd never been there before but the bar was pretty cool. My one complaint though: the Boulevard wasn't cold enough.

Brain Freeze

On Saturday, I went to a Digital SLR class at Rockbrook Camera. My brain got stuffed with sooooo much information. We went over apertures, focus settings, white balances, the A-S-P-M settings, flash tricks... Thank goodness we got a handout and I took notes. I think I retained about 10% of what was covered. It was like taking a 12 week photography course in one afternoon.

I need to review, review, review this weekend. I learned lots of valuable things, now I need to practice using what I know before it's gone for forever.

The only downside to taking the class is that now I want to run out and buy a bunch of equipment. I want to get a flash and a bracket, a flash diffuser, a macro lens, a polarizer, a backdrop stand, lights, a new camera body... And then if I have any money left a $2000 high speed lens for when I take pictures of my rock star hubs and his bands.

Hey, those things are all tax-deductible. It's an investment.

I think it's outrageous when Matt talks about a $2500 bass that he needs, and then I turn around and tell him about a $2000 lens that I must have. One of us clearly needs to become rich in this decade so we can support our dreams. I'm pointing to him - unless I start charging $500 an hour for design consultations, which I don't think is going to fly.

Unkie Matt

Matt finally had a chance to meet the G-Man last night. We went over to Cat and Ron's for dinner and baby time. We also watched like five esipodes of Family Guy, so all in all it was a good evening.

For the record, I held the baby and he got the hiccups and puked. Matt held him and he curled up and slept for an hour.

It's clear which one of us is the natural here.





Don't you want one of those outfits to sit around the house in? I sure do.

A New Chapter

It's titled: Layoffs

It is not a fun story to tell and I didn't want to tell it until it had a happy ending... Everyone can feel the economy chomp, chomp, chomping away at our lives. It sucks. Hubs came back from South Bend basically unemployed. The restaurant wasn't doing well and his salary was cut from the budget while he was gone. They offered him part-time at an insulting pay if he wanted to stay. Sweeeet...

No one is having any luck it seems in finding a job or even staying employed at the job they have. Between the two of us we have enough money to live off of for a couple of months, but I'm a freak about the budget and my savings account and the thought of spending our savings made my stomach turn. After a week of worrying constantly about it, he is once again employed! The sun is certainly shining out his ass today because he was offered a full-time job at a guitar center this morning.

Call it luck or karma or an answered prayer, but fate was definitely in our corner this time around. There are so many people out there struggling to pay bills and put food on the table. The fact that he was able to find such an incredible job, so fast, just amazes me.

*sigh*

Leaving on a jet plane.

I feel a little bit out of it today. All the Starbucks in the world couldn't make me alert at this point. My morning has gone something like this:

3:00am - Matt's alarm goes off
4:15am - Matt's ride to the airport is honking in the driveway, dog is barking
5:30am - Matt calls looking for his iPod which is missing
6:45am - My alarm goes off

Obviously, Matt left this morning. He went to South Bend, Indiana. (AKA, home of the Fighting Irish.) He will be there until Monday. Then he'll be home until Thursday, and then he goes back for two more weeks.

His day hasn't started out much better. His iPod got swiped at the airport security checkpoint. His brother knows the pain of having your beloved iPod (along with $20,000 worth of musical equipment) stolen so he offered to replace it when they get to Indiana. Cat pointed out the fact that some punk kid is going to be disappointed when he turns it on and sees that he just scored 60G of Beatles music. I think there might be some jazz on their too if he's lucky. I think there's a way to track a stolen iPod when it's synced to a computer... but you have to install software on it before it's stolen. I think we're a little late for that.

Today is a day of lost sleep, lost iPods, and MIA husbands. Can't it be 5:00 yet?

PHEW!

Thank god that's over!

I am, of course, speaking of our thank you notes from the wedding. We did about ten a couple weeks ago and then never mailed them, never finished the stack. Just pushed it aside and forgot about it. Last night I cracked down and finished them while watching election coverage.

I was so happy to be done with it! (the cards and the election) Now all of our friends and family won't think we're ungrateful jerks. Eight weeks isn't completely obscene to get out thank you notes... is it? I was so worried about finishing the notes that I forgot to get stamps. I had exactly thirteen at home. So, a lucky thirteen will be getting their thank you cards in the next day or two. The others will have to wait a few days longer until I drag myself to the post office.

I put off working on some scarves to finish those thankyas, so I will be returning to that tonight along with praying for the band rehearsal in the basement to stop. It is sooooo loud in the house when they play. I need to find my ear plugs...

Come here it for yourselves:

Thursday. Too bad you're not Friday.

Something cool happened today. Elisabeth of the Pink Owl Scarf asked me today if I wanted to make a bunch of scarves for a small retail space for handmade/rockin goods. Who's going to say no to that? Not this girl.

So that's on the agenda. Also, my 21 day process notecards have already shipped. Bastards. I knew the rush charges were a scam. I ordered some awesome bright yellow envelopes for them so hopefully I can put those in the store soon so I can become a millionaire, $1.99 at a time.

Moses Prey had a rehearsal at the house tonight. I'm thinking it might be worth the money to invest in some sound proofing for the basement. Lots of folks came over so I played Hostess for the night and provided lots of snack food - including the best chocolate chip cookies I've ever made. Unfortunately, I'm now suffering post pig-out. I swear I will never break a bone even when I'm 90 because of all the Tums I consume. Horrible, awful acid problems? Yes. Broken hip? No.

Oh yeah, and our wedding photos are done and online but the login code they gave me doesn't work so I still can't see them.

Sweet.

Don't forget to see this on Saturday if you're not busy:

Yesterday and Today Photos

I've become the unofficial photographer for all things family related. This, happens to be what my family does... I have the pleasure of getting to photograph it. The brothers performed their show, Yesterday and Today, last week in Des Moines. (My husband is in the middle.)

Oh, the show was good too.

The older I get, the happier I am to return home to Omaha after time away. I breathed a literal sigh of relief when I passed over the Mormon Bridge back into Nebraska. Des Moines was alright. No offense to anyone who lives there, but it's kind of a strange place. They have a very nice cultural district with a great museum and a community playhouse. It's near a neighborhood of very fancy houses (owned by millionaires) that are tucked away in hills and thick trees. But when you leave that area, the city becomes pretty indescript. Parts of it look just like west Omaha. Other parts look just like Minneapolis. It's bizarre. And then there was the Machine Shed...

The Machine Shed is basically a better version of Cracker Barrel, where you get served giant meals by people in overalls and John Deere hats. It's very Iowa. We were told that Machine Shed had the best breakfast around, so we went and were surprisingly greeted by a gut-busting buffet. I love breakfast but I cannot begin to tell you how much I hate buffets. They're very odd and the food is never as good as if it had been made just for you. Buffets only belong at banquets and receptions out of sheer necessity. The only good buffet that I can recall was at a place called Bishop's, and even then it was more like a lunch line than a buffet. They had the most incredible French silk pie, but they closed years and years ago and that delicious pie is a thing of the past.

I got home and crashed into bed, where I watched Sex and the City and stayed until 7:00. The sight of our comfy, fluffy, polka dot covered bed after that awful hotel bed was one of complete and utter relief, and I couldn't get up once I plopped down in it. I eventually got up, did a little work, showered, made Matt a home cooked meal of... soup. There's nothing more comforting than soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. I made bean and bratwurst soup, which was delicious despite the description on it. Another thing I've grown to love with age: black eyed peas. (The legume. Not the band.) They're good in just about anything. Black eyed peas and brats? Hell yes.

It's wonderful to have Matt home. As much as I loved cuddling in bed with Dingo in his absence, there's nothing like the Real Deal Holyfield.

My Husband is Famous!

Okay, so maybe being featured in the Des Moines Register doesn't actually make him famous, but it makes me proud!



He performs in this show called, Yesterday and Today with two of his brothers. (Matt is the brother in the middle.) It's an audience-driven tribute to the Beatles. The audience picks what songs they want to hear and they make a set list out of the top picks. It's pretty incredible. Some of the songs they play are dead on. I Am the Walrus, for example, blew my mind the first time I heard them play it. My jaw literally dropped. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was like I was listening to the recording it was so accurate.

Check out the article here. I'm going to go see them this weekend. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I get there in time to go to the Des Moines Art Center. It's one of my favorite museums to visit. I took my very first solo road trip there in college. (Does a 2.5 hour drive count as a road trip?)

My Very Own Guitar Hero

Matt has very, very recently been presented with a rather incredible career/business opportunity. I don't know how much I'm at liberty to divulge (probably nothing) so I'm going to be intentionally vague about it. I'll just say that it's an opportunity for him to become a full time musician and be paid fairly for it, which is rarely heard of. His dream in life is to be a full time musician, and while this isn't exactly the glitz and glamor career of a touring rock band, it's still pretty damn good.

My man is great at what he does. He sings, he writes songs and lyrics, he plays the bass, guitar, piano. He's charismatic and charming. Sweet and funny. Audiences like him. My dad likes him. I mean seriously, he's the hardest to impress of all. I'm not just saying this because I'm married to him and I'm biased. (Even though I am.) I'm saying it because it's true. Ask anyone who's met him. He's talented and it's a waste for him to be managing a restaurant and making salsa day in and day out. He deserves to have his dream job. No, no. He has earned his dreams.

It doesn't come without some sacrifice though. Matt is going to have to tour and travel, more than likely for three or four week intervals at a time. Have you ever gone three weeks without seeing your partner? We've gone six before. It's awful. And that was before we were married. I'm sure it's worse when it's a spouse. But that's just the thing, I'm his wife. We're married. This is us, a pair, making decisions that are supposed to better our life together. He is being given a choice that can greatly alter the scape of his employment and satisfy him career wise in a way that he's never had before. I can only see that as a good thing. How can I not support him on this decision? It would be selfish of me, and foolish of him, to pass on it for the single reason of us missing each other.

I've been opposed to him traveling in the past. Maybe for the wrong reasons, maybe not. But it feels different this time... I feel good about it this time. Before it felt like he was being taken advantage of, but now he's being given a clear and straightforward deal and he is going to be an integral part in the processes of what he's doing. Again, it's hard to explain it clearly without the details.

I'm happy that Matt is finally getting his share in life. All the good he's done for everyone else might finally come back around to him. Good old karma. It certainly pays.

We Got Married!

Well, we got married yesterday. It couldn't have been more perfect. More to come when we get home from the honeymoon...

Happiness Is a Warm Griddle

I just want everyone to know that we used the giant electric griddle that Jeff and Brandon gave us as a shower gift. Matt cooked breakfast for my (and soon his too) family on Saturday. He made us eggs and pancakes. The pancakes cooked perfectly on both sides and were delicious. That's one of the reasons I love him. He's sweet and he does things like cook breakfast for me and whoever else happens to be around. I haven't cooked pancakes in over two years because of him.

Really though, he was looking for any excuse to use the griddle. I could have said, "Let's set up a burger stand in the driveway and sell flat-top sliders for a quarter," and he would have said, "Where's the extension cord?"

Moses Prey Show!