27 Goals for 2010

In the style of everyone else who made one of these lists, here's my list of 27 goals for my upcoming 27th year:

1. Blog once a week
2. Do some semi-major work on the house
3. Investigate alternative proteins at Whole Foods
4. Unsubscribe to all the crap emails I get (15 down, about 1000 to go)
5. Sort out the storage disaster happening in the laundry room
6. Try to learn the basics of a foreign language
7. Take pictures for fun
8. Make a summertime wreath
9. Make a headboard

Wow. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Umm...

10. Use my stove top espresso pot
11. Use the vegetable steamer
12. Cook vegetable curry without burning everything
13. Buy a new flash
14. Read one book a month
15. Really mop (not Swiffer mop) every room in the house
16. Run a 1/2 marathon in the Spring
17. And again in the Fall
18. Hike some sort of mountain in Colorado
19. Visit the Stanley
20. Take pictures of all my nieces and nephews on their birthdays
21. Buy a button maker and make buttons
22. Drink more green tea
23. Finally clean my office
24. Reduce my book collection to only my favorites
25. Be a vendor at a bridal show
26. Throw a dinner party
27. Sell a bunch of my vintage clothes on Etsy

The Ex Factor

I may have lifted that title from a Sex and the City episode. It sounds like a very Carrie-esque play on words.

Anyway...

While the list of dudes I've "dated" might be checkered and lengthy**, the list of "boyfriends" I've had is pretty short. Therefore, is it really too much to ask that the small collection of men I've loved in the past remain bachelors for the rest of their lives? I'm not harboring unrequited love for them, nor do I want any of them back. I just hate the idea that they feel there's someone better than me out there in the world. I want to believe that I am the pinnacle of their lives and without me, they are nothing. Selfish and delusional? Yes. Irrational? I don't think so.

I have, what I consider to be, three exes:

One ex I had no desire to stay in contact with when we broke up. He was a strange man. Our love was more of a friendship-based thing so I'm happy for him if he's moved on. I still don't need to know about it though.

The next ex I genuinely hope stayed/stays single for the rest of eternity. Or just ceases to exist, taking with him all memories of our time together. Whichever. I wish him the best in life as long as "the best" doesn't include a hot wife.

The last ex I genuinely believed would stay single for the rest of eternity. I feel like the last half of our relationship was a giant mind fuck. He was a man child. I left the relationship bitter and assuming he would never grow up. (We both needed to grow up but that's completely beside the point.) Turns out he got married recently and it's annoying the crap out of me.

I just celebrated my one year anniversary and I'm extremely happy and in love with my husband. Obviously, relationship number four was the right one. Comparing the other boyfriends to Matt is like comparing a giant pile of steaming crap to... do I even need to finish that analogy? Still, I don't have to like the fact that my exes are out there walking around with the general population. And I really don't have to like the fact that they're married. I am simply one of those people who is incapable of remaining in contact with exes. It just can't happen in my world. My head would explode. I prefer to think of them as celibate monks, living in isolation on a remote mountain in Asia somewhere. But not all together on the same mountain. That would suck. There are only so many things they could talk about before the conversation inevitably turned to me. And if there's anything I want less than on of my exes getting married, it's one of my exes befriending another ex over the topic me and my failed relationships.



**And I will deny ever having met 90% of them.

Labor Day Weekend

It has been an eventful weekend thus far. And I still have an entire day left to enjoy.

On Saturday, I had a photo session with a family at 9:00. I've found that portrait sessions with little kids work best early in the day, unfortunately. So, they met me out at a lake to take some outdoor pictures. There was a ton of dew on the ground and all parties ended up covered in mud. It makes for some great pictures though when moms and dads aren't afraid to get dirty.

Later in the morning I went with a Jen and Kate down in Kansas City. We tried to go to some baking supply stores but they were all closed. Bummer. We also hit up a mall where I learned the dangers of entering a Nordstroms. I ended up buying a pricey (but loooooovely) grey wool DKNY coat. It is knee length with a ruffle collar and very, very chic. Ooh la la! I can't wait for it to get cold out. We also hit up the Betsey Johnson down there. It was ahh mazing. The jewelry counter was to die for. I regret not buying a few things I saw. But really, how much animal themed jewelry does one need? I already have a bird necklace and a snake ring. Do I really need the matching snake bracelet, a giant lobster ring and a pair of gecko earrings? Probably. I intended to bring my camera and document our little trip in proper blogger fashion, but I forgot. Whoops.

The shopping trip was fun but next year I think we're going to Minneapolis. A few reasons as to why: Free place to stay, H&M, Ikea. Both H&M and Ikea are filled with cheap crap, but every now and then you can find something really great. Same thing goes for Forever XXI even though that's a little off-topic. I've bought dresses at both that are sewn together well and have really nice lining. Then again, I've also bought tops that fall apart in the wash after the first time I wear them. But I digress.

In the wee hours of Sunday, I met up the with ladies again and we did our ten mile training run. The 1/2 marathon is in three weeks so we needed to get it in. We all were lacking in motivation but we stuck it out and finished in just under two hours. I'm feeling the last three miles today though. My back is aching like a mofo. I think that's more the fault of my jacked up spine than the running though.

Sunday afternoon I went to my bro and sis-in-law's house for some family hangout time. I got to see all my nieces and nephews which always makes me happy. I finally got to spend some time with little Jackie. She's about six months old and smiling and alert. Plus, she's big enough now that I'm not afraid to break her.

I tried and tried to enjoy my last three-day weekend of the summer by getting drunk, but I couldn't make it happen. I blame it on the cheeseburger, hotdog, sausage and pile of dessert I ate. Normally I'm a two drink drunk, but I think I drank at least five beers and four mixed drinks and I was still sober yesterday. The only thing that probably would have done the trick was tequila shots, but it's not really worth it when it comes to that point.

That's about it. Today I have some cleaning to do, errands to run, work to finish. We also picked up the forth season of weeds so that's going to need to be watched today too.

Green Eyed Monster

I think it's maybe a little obvious that I'm a very visual person and I love looking at (and coveting) pretty things. I drool over Anthropologie, Dwell magazine and apartmenttherapy.com. When it comes down to it though, I know that material things to not have the ability to make me happy. (Cute, well dressed and in a constant state of domestic bliss? Yes. But happy? No.) The things that I am sincerely envious of and crave like a rabid monkey are mostly non-material.

An Impeccable Sense of Color
People who can grab five random paint swatches and create a cohesive color palette piss me off. I can match blues with blues and reds with reds, but throwing together shades of yellow, pink and green in a way that makes sense? I do not effectively possess that ability.

Chillin On Weekdays
I have lots of friends and family who do not work on at least one traditional workday a week. For instance, my husband had today off and spent the day relaxing at home and playing basketball. I wake up every Thursday and say in my head, "But I don't want to go to woooooooork! I want to stay hooooooome!" It makes me so jealous. I would love nothing more than to be sitting at home watching a movie in my pjs right now. Unfortunately, a lot of those people I mentioned earlier work on weekends. There is certainly no envy in that...

Effortless White Balance
How in the world do some people always, always, have perfectly white photos. White balance is one of those eternal mysteries of the universe for me. I'm constantly adjusting it and even when I think I'm close, I'm never spot on. Hopefully, this is something that will come easier to me as time goes by. If not, people better get used to their pictures having a yellow glow. Thank the heavens above for Photoshop.

Lazy Sunday

I woke up pretty early this morning, considering I ended up drunk off of Hoegaarden last night. You have to watch it with the Belgium beers apparently. They sneak up on you.

Two pints of Hoegaarden = Hello You're Drizzunk.

Matt's band played at a neighborhood block party type thing in Dundee last night. It was supposed to be the "Spring Fling" but it was like 40%deg; and everyone was wearing coats last night.

I got up this morning and repainted my office. I'll go ahead and admit that I'm really bad at picking out paint colors. The last color was dark gray, the current one is sea foam. The sea foam is a huge improvement. It's still questionable, but undeniably better.

I'm so proud of myself for beginning and finishing a project in one day. I rewarded myself for the accomplishment by ignoring some freelance work and watching TV in bed this evening. Ringo joined me. He was more interested in watching the neighbors than watching TV though.

Love.

You think your day sucked?

I went to a memorial service for a baby today. My niece. There is nothing on this planet more heartbreaking than watching two parents, who I love dearly, saying goodbye to their Julia who was gone before she ever had a chance to be born. There is no consolation that I could possibly offer anyone involved in this. All there is to say is, "I love you."

I've spent the majority of the day either crying or holding back tears. My heart is broken for Julia and her wonderful parents who miss her so much. I know I've blogged about it a couple of times already, but this is pretty much what has been consuming my thoughts for the last couple of weeks.

As time passes and I acquire those experiences that only age can bring, I realize more and more that nothing in this life matters more than the people who love you. That "I am a rock, I am an island" business is bullshit. Family, friends, a support system. It's necessary.

I love you. I love you. I love you. Having someone to say it to doesn't make you codependent, it makes you strong. It gets you through the day. It gives you a reason to wake up in the morning. Love is the most inspiring and spiritual force on Earth and it is the only thing that I can possibly think to offer my family right now.

Spring

Spring gives me such a stirring feeling in my gut. Whenever it rolls around, I rethink my life and my career and my choices. It's the season of rebirth and every year I continue to be... not reborn?

The sky and the ground, the sounds and the smells, it's all so beautiful and inspiring. But I usually end up missing most of it while sitting in the basement of an office building clicking away at a computer. It's depressing. I hope above all hopes that this is the last year I have to do this. I want my job to be going outside and experiencing the Spring, taking pictures of it and sharing it with people. How wonderful would that be? I've finally found my attainable dream and I'm not going to wait any longer to make it happen. I refuse to live a miserable, office bound life. I know that a lot of people are happy to work in offices (or happy to have a job at this point - for all the complaining I do I'm still happy to be employed) but I don't find any satisfaction in it. I don't know what I was thinking when I pursued a career that required me to sit at a desk for 40 hours a week. It isn't me...

So, this will be the Spring that I follow that stirring. This will be the year that I finally go after what I want and make my life something that I'm proud of. I'm done with the sad sap "poor me with the unhappy job" life I've been living. No one is going to hand me happiness, I have to make it for myself. I realized that long ago. This is the one last step I have to take to make my life completely happy and so help me - I will make it happen.

- Tis' better to live your own life imperfectly than to imitate someone else's perfectly.

I'm about to pass into babbling territory so I'll leave it at that...

Super Awesome Pros and Freaky Cons

Two things have happened today that are sort of freaking me out at the moment, but only in a very good way.

First...

A friend called this morning asking me if I would want to take photos of an upcoming fund raiser he's doing for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training. Of course I want to do that! He's thinking I can sell the pictures to people for a few bucks and then split the profits with TNT. Totally. Awesome.

Second...

My sissy told me that she maybe kinda sorta volunteered me to photograph kiddos at a daycare event that she's helping plan. I'd be taking pictures of kids while they stick their heads through those little cardboard body things that circuses have. Oh, and I also have to build and paint the cutouts. (Seriously. Thanks, Cat.) I'd be meeting roughly 100s of parents who might want pictures taken of their kids. Wowza!

So here are the problems:

1. I am not qualified to do these things.
2. I don't have a website for people to view their pics or buy copies from me.
3. I don't have a flash which I'm pretty much guaranteed to need for both events. Hello, $300.
4. Is this seriously happening?
5. I don't charge people for pics... so I don't know what to charge people when they ask.
6. I should probably order more business cards.

One thing at a time I suppose. First off, I need to buy a flash, which was inevitably going to happen. It's not like I won't recoup the money one way or another. I also have a meeting with a programmer on Monday to talk about web galleries. Perhaps I should also talk to him about shopping carts. He's the man. He'll help out. Then I am going to force Cat to meet me somewhere to talk about pricing and basic business odds and ends.

Long Weekend

I took yesterday off work and gave myself a three day weekend. How did I spend my day? By doing three loads of laundry, two loads of dishes, reorganizing the living room and getting our taxes done. How very relaxing!

The living room is looking pretty awesome. I hung up some stuff I bought a while ago... and then never hung up. I also moved a couple things around to open up the entryway. I'm really excited to be one the way to having the room finished. I have a couple chairs to cover and a new coffee table to buy that I've got my eye on ($135, thank you Target), and then the room will be done. And it only took a year.

Taxes are the work of the devil. Or Congress. Whatever. We had ours done with a CPA yesterday and walked away with a whole $50 tax return. Hooray for not owing money! About a third of Matt's income is considered self-employment so he usually ends up owing a staggering sum of money every year. This year I was a receipt Nazi and made him save nearly everything. It really paid off. We got about 1/4 of his gig income written off with all of his on-the-road expenses. I'm not getting a huge return back like I'm used to, but I guess that's life.

It's Completely and Totally Official Now

I made and ordered business cards last night! This means I am officially a photographer now - as that is what is printed on the card. And we all know that business cards are the official way to declare yourself as something.

I'm also working on getting my physical portfolio put together so I can take it with me to some of these workshops I'm signed up for. If there's anything that five years in graphic design has taught me, it's that you always take a portfolio with you to any event where you might have a chance to meet and network with professionals. A good old critique from people you admire is an awesome way to learn and improve upon your work. Just be sure not to cry if the person critiquing you hates your work.

Not that I've done that or anything...

Mother of All Mondays

Today has been stressful. And I am annoyed. With everything.

But rather than dwell on it, let's look at a goofy picture of my dog.



I feel a little better now.

I also have some new pictures up that I took this weekend. It makes me feel better to know that I'm working towards this photography goal I have. It's attainable and I'm making progress one little step at a time.

Ok, I think I'm good now.

My Unsolicited Opinion on Things

Here are a couple of really great stories I found about people making the most out of today's circumstances. They're both very inspiring. Just because we're in the middle of a massive economic struggle doesn't mean that our lives have to stop progressing. This should be a time of self discovery and a time to for all of us to reevaluate what is truly important in this lifetime.

CNN - 'Found money' is frugal family's hobby

CNN - Fired exec: 'Starbucks saved my life'

That second story is about a big time CEO who literally lost everything he owned, but he came out on the other side happier and more successful than he had ever been. I've been thinking a lot about that story since I read it yesterday. For the last few years (up until very recently) I've noticed this alarming trend of more, more, more. I'm sure you have too. Reality TV shows are centered around selfish "Sweet 16ers" and "Real Housewives" spending money, acting like brats and complaining that they aren't being given enough. Shows like SATC brought high-end designer shoes and handbags to the attention of the masses, and now women all over suburban America are walking around with Prada and Manolo. People everywhere are ignoring sticker prices and buying the biggest cars and houses they can find so they can keep up with the neighbors. It's disgusting!

I don't deny that I have a materialistic side. Everyone does. I like buying clothes and nice things for my house. But we (Matt and I) are living within our means and being realistic about it. Not only do you have to know when to say when - but you have to stick to it when people try to oversell you with the temptation of "bigger and better." We luckily were approved for a home loan prior to the huge real estate bubble burst in Omaha and found a modest home in a modest neighborhood. We spent less than what we asked the bank for, which was $130K. To me, $130K is a staggering amount of money, especially when you wrap it up into a mortgage. We felt that it was the most we could comfortably afford to pay back at this time in our lives. But you know what the bank did? They gave us the $130K and then told us that with my credit score we could basically have as much as we wanted (within reason), we just had to ask for it. Not once did they ask us what we thought we could afford. They just told us what they thought we were qualified to pay back on paper.

And this boys and girls is how we as a nation got into this mess.

It's the same story with cars and credit cards. Everyone stopped thinking "What can I afford to pay back?" and started thinking "What's the most that they'll give me?" It's good old American greed. I respect anyone's decision to buy a $30,000 car or drop $5000 on their credit card, if they can afford to pay it back. Can I afford the payments on such debt? No. Of course I can't. Neither could millions of people out there who assumed it. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that we can blame the banks and credit companies for shelling out irresponsible loans to people who ultimately couldn't afford it, but shouldn't we also blame the people who accepted the debt? Isn't it the responsibility of the borrowing individual to assess their own ability to pay something back before they accept it?

As much as this recession may suck right now, I'm cherishing the opportunity to finally have a clear view of what I need versus what I want in life. There are some Americans who are really hurting and struggling right now. But for most of us, this is just a time of inconvenience. The days of "buy, buy, buy" are coming to an end and the days of "stop and think" are upon us. It's refreshing. We should all see it as a fresh start. We are being given a chance to break away from the consumerism that has swallowed up our souls. It's a chance to purge our lives of the excessive and unnecessary crap that weighs us down. It's a chance to finally see what we have become as a nation and what we need to do to mend ourselves from the inside out.

Love, family, happiness, karma, contentment, spirituality, nature, exercise, laughing. Those things are always free.

Dry-Erase Dilemma

I bought a dry-erase calendar for the house so I can start writing down my appointments and make an honest attempt to organize my life.



Notice how it's still blank?

The marker it came with didn't work. I have a dry-erase calendar but no dry-erase marker. I'm trying here! I really am! It's hanging up on the fridge at home waiting for me to get my life in order. And to get a marker.

My 25

25. I eat cookies for breakfast when no one is around to see me do it.
24. I am crazy about decorating my home.
23. Our dog is my #1 obsession in life.
22. Claymation freaks me out and I've never been able to sit though Nightmare Before Christmas.
21. I don't spend enough time doing the things I love.
20. I love anything with polka dots on it.
19. Coffee is my biggest vice.
18. I want to learn French but doubt I have the ability to learn a foreign language.
17. I want to save enough money to travel outside the US.
16. I absolutely cannot stand having someone touch my toenails.
15. I love green veggies.
14. My nieces and nephews make me happy.
13. I think high heeled shoes are art.
12. I wish I could live in 1968 but with today's modern medicine and air conditioning.
11. I want to start a photography career in the next 12-18 months.
10. I need to start working on number 11.
09. I like making lists and spreadsheets.
08. My favorite channels are the educational ones, and Bravo.
07. I want to go back to NOLA for a day so I can eat chicken lula and creole.
06. I would like to get a tattoo but don't want to make the commitment.
05. I'm pretty good at figuring out percentages in my head.
04. I like reading blogs.
03. I love Omaha but would live in Nashville or San Francisco if given the opportunity.
02. I believe in karma and the Earth's collective energy. It makes perfect sense.
01. I love my man and can't wait to see what happens in this life.

It Was Me Against the Baby and I Won

Alternate post title: Crisis Call #2 For The Day - Surprisingly I Did Not Make It

The "Help I Need You" door swings both ways! My mom called me tonight to tell me that the rent's washing machine blew up mid-load (that's what she said) and they need some assistance with the pile of soapy clothes they now have on their hands. The choices for backup laundry facilities were between:

Me - Sad and lonely without Matty at home, could use some company, lives close to mom and dad, owes mom for emergency trip to the house this morning, owes dad for 7 billion phone calls in the last ten months, used parent's laundry room for four years after moving out, never paid for detergent, attributed to the ultimate demise of the washing machine

or

Cat - Keeper of their grandchild

Surprisingly, they picked me. I think it's out of sheer pity, cause that baby is cute. Even after what adds up to 24 years of laundry service on their dime, my mom still offered to buy me dinner and bring over her own Tide so she didn't use up mine.

January 21st - Crisis Call #3

I was a little stressed this morning while leaving the house for work, and I did something really stupid. I was carrying gloves, my lunch, a coffee mug, my purse. I turned the door lock from the inside and just as I shut it, realized that the one thing I was not carrying was my keys. My keys were on the table just inside the door. I locked myself out.

What a way to start the morning. I luckily caught my mom before she left for work and she agreed to bring me my spare keys. I happened to wear a skirt today for the first time in months, so that was a nice little bonus as I stood on the front porch waiting for Mom to come save me. Thank goodness for 20° weather today.

It was embarrassing. But, not nearly as embarrassing as the time I locked my keys in the car at work. I called campus security to come help me. They sent a police officer. And the police officer thought I was a high school student!

Eight Days a Week

You know what I think we should do? I think we should implement standard three day weekends for everyone. Since the economy (I accidentally spelled it ecomoney the first time) is hurtin, let's keep the five day workweek and add an extra day onto the weekend.

Basically what I'm suggesting is a reworking of the concept of what a "week is." Not that big of a deal, right?

Time is manmade anyways. It's not like a week, or even a month, really means anything in our modern world. Days and years, yes. Those make sense. But weeks? Why not make it eight days? I think we could all use that extra little bit of weekend. And, total bonus that we get an extra day of television programming. Maybe network TV will stop canceling all the good shows and just throw them on that extra day.

Let's all start the revolution by skipping work on Monday.

Case of the Mondays on a Thursday

I almost blinded myself this morning. Have you ever wondered what it would feel like if you scraped your eyeball with a wool coat? Nope, me neither. But I was unlucky enough to find out this morning on my way out the door.

Then, with my one good eye, I noticed that the down spout I replaced is missing. I think it blew away, possibly into the neighbor's yard. This explains where the first one went. There's no chance of finding it at the moment since the piece is white and everything is covered in snow.

Note to self: Glue the next one on.

So, that's what I will be re-repairing this weekend. I'm also going to see if some of the paint in the garage is salvageable. I got some google info about latex paint and it should be okay as long as it hasn't thawed and refrozen multiple times. If it has, I'm screwed. I'll have to buy new paint. And really, I spent enough money on it the first time to not want to buy it a second time.

Leaving on a jet plane.

I feel a little bit out of it today. All the Starbucks in the world couldn't make me alert at this point. My morning has gone something like this:

3:00am - Matt's alarm goes off
4:15am - Matt's ride to the airport is honking in the driveway, dog is barking
5:30am - Matt calls looking for his iPod which is missing
6:45am - My alarm goes off

Obviously, Matt left this morning. He went to South Bend, Indiana. (AKA, home of the Fighting Irish.) He will be there until Monday. Then he'll be home until Thursday, and then he goes back for two more weeks.

His day hasn't started out much better. His iPod got swiped at the airport security checkpoint. His brother knows the pain of having your beloved iPod (along with $20,000 worth of musical equipment) stolen so he offered to replace it when they get to Indiana. Cat pointed out the fact that some punk kid is going to be disappointed when he turns it on and sees that he just scored 60G of Beatles music. I think there might be some jazz on their too if he's lucky. I think there's a way to track a stolen iPod when it's synced to a computer... but you have to install software on it before it's stolen. I think we're a little late for that.

Today is a day of lost sleep, lost iPods, and MIA husbands. Can't it be 5:00 yet?

Very Organized Start to 2009

I am kind of a nerd. No secret there. Last night I made a spreadsheet planning out all the minor and major home repairs we would like to take care of in 2009. They range from patching nail holes we punched in the walls to carpeting bedrooms. I listed everything and then broke it down by month based on our budget and estimated costs.

GEEK!!!

It was so satisfying to see everything listed there. It seemed overwhelming when everything was just floating around in my head, but down on paper it was perfectly manageable. Everything is spaced out over the next year and we know how much money we need to have on hand every month to take care of this stuff.

For the month of January I have planned to patch nail holes, paint patches and scuffs throughout the house, and paint the bathroom. I figured I'd start off small. And cheap since we sort of lost our minds this Christmas. Plus it means that I get to go buy Paint Buddies which I'm really excited about.

I just realized that I forgot to put "install water softener" on the spreadsheet. Damn! That's a pricey one too. We were told that our water heater stopped working because it had huge deposits of calcium in it. The repair guy's jaw dropped when we told him that the water heater was less than a year old. He strongly suggested we get a water softener if we don't want to have our water heater breakdown every six months.

Oh yeah, I also forgot "get new thermostat" since ours only goes down, not up. The temperature in our house drops to 62 every night and we have no way of turning it up. (I would advice everyone not to buy a digital thermostat.) It sucks when I'm freezing at 2am, but I guess it's sort of nice when we get the gas bill during these winter months.

Isn't owning a house awesome?