O Bikini! My Bikini!

In six weeks we leave for Florida! That means in six weeks I will be face to face with beaches and swimming pools. I will be squeezing my pale and untoned butt into a piece of glorified underwear, and then be seen in public. I don't know what the hang-up is with my behind, but the thought of it being seen outside of my pants by people who are not either married to me or a medical professional freaks me out.

Terrifying.

The paleness I can do little about. I sunburn like a crazy person, then it turns back to white without stopping at the pretty bronze phase in the middle. Short of a spray tan, I'm stuck with it. I fake baked for a month a few years ago in preparation for a trip to San Diego and the results were disappointing to say the least. I would have had just as much luck getting a tan from sitting in front of a 60 watt bulb for eight minutes a day, as I did laying in that stupid tanning bed. Yes, eight minutes. That's what I managed to work my way up to. My belly burned every time I went. The rest of my body did see negligible signs of a tan - but I'm pretty sure that was from the bronze tinted post-tanning lotion rather than the actual tanning process. When all was said and done I was "tan" by my standards, but still "ghostly" by normal standards. Not what I was expecting out of $100.

The squishiness of my lower body however, I'm hoping to overcome. I have six weeks to run and do Wii yoga. And in six weeks when I still haven't done either of those things, I will admit defeat against my butt and pack the extra bikini bottoms with the cute little skirt on it that hides my shame from the world.